The Truth.

When will you get it that this isn't just a hobby? this isn't a side thing while i tend to my real life, no, the music i write, the music i record, the music i feel, whether it be with myself or 2 other dudes, is MY FUCKING LIFE. I don't have someone to hold or hold me back, i don't have someone to say goodnight to me every night and who looks forward to talk to me again in the morning, i don't have someone to spill every last little thought of mine onto because they love me and love to hear what's in my mind. Hell, sometimes people I'm talking to forget I'm even there and i don't hear from them for weeks. Truth is, i don't NEED any of that, listen to me, and listen closely, LOVE IS DEAD TO ME. It's a fallacy, it doesn't exist, it never has and it never will. For someone to convince me different is going to prove to be a difficult task. Love has no meaning to me anymore, my inner most thoughts spill into my songs, I'm sick of confiding in someone so fucking much and having them throw me away in a week like a used tampon. I AM NOBODY'S TAMPON. For the first time in my life, i am content with being alone, i am content with having nobody to hold, content with having nobody to talk to when I'm feeling a bit crazy, content with having no comfort when something goes wrong, cause in the end, i know it's all a bunch of BULLSHIT. When I'm feeling low and i write a song, i know for damn sure that the song isn't going to leave me, the only place it's going is back through my mind over a billion times until i get it right enough to share with people. It will always stay with me though, and i won't have to pay somebody to make it legal for us to be together forever, no, FUCK THAT, me and that song WILL be together forever, because we have bonded in a beautiful experience called recording. I don't need fake love, i have real love, it's in my music, and we did not spend 3 and a half years working our asses off to get to the point we are now to let it all fall apart because we have financial issues. Fuck, we put all our time, MOST of MY money, half the band's money we got from playing our asses off at shows, our minds, our energy, all of that into our first full length record, and where is it? Sitting on a shelf, so to speak, within our computers, waiting to get mastered and released. I fucking tell you, this WILL get released by the beginning of next year, and that's a fucking promise. I'm sick of sitting around and waiting for shit to happen, i don't give a fuck if i have to do it alone, because i assure you, i am NOTHING, i am a NOBODY, i will go NOWHERE...without the music, and if you bet for ONE FUCKING MILLISECOND that if i get abandoned alone in all this that i will give up, well you better think twice before counting me out because no matter what, I'll keep going, even if it kills me, even if i wind up homeless, there is no GODDAMN way i am giving up on my dream.

bottom line is, music is my life, my life is music, and i am not saying that as someone who just listens to music 24/7 and tells people it's my life, no, i live it, i breathe it, without it, i am dead. If you don't believe a word i am saying, then you can burn.

that's some fucking truth.

Stay True.

xLOSERx