Untitled.

sighs and cries...i don't know what to do right now...

Am i permanently damaged? why can't i fall asleep tonight? For weeks I've been feeling good, sleeping well, waking up normally, and now, all these terrible thoughts come rushing back out of nowhere, and i just lay there in silence, with my heart beating a mile a minute, and it doesn't slow down until i have sat up and turned the light on, back on here, with music playing, wishing i was asleep. FUCK, where did this come from? I just keep thinking about shit to myself, like, i tell myself i don't believe in love anymore, but am i just scared? Am i afraid of getting hurt over and over again? Am i afraid of getting stuck in another dead end relationship like the last one where I'm always miserable, where she treats me like dirt, where i constantly want to commit suicide because she makes me feel so goddamn low and I'm too much of a pussy to break it off? Maybe, or maybe love really doesn't exist? I see examples proving that statement right more often than i see them proving that statement wrong. Then again, maybe some people CAN find love, and others, like me, simply cannot, and will not, because they're destined for other things. Who fucking knows, I don't, that's for sure. I'm just afraid now, will my doubts and feeling that there's always somebody better than me out there ruin any chances i have of starting a new relationship? It's quite possible. Will i ever get over my fear? Do i have any love left to give? Or have i drained it all out to people that end up hurting me? I just want to look my last "fling" in the eye and say FUCK YOU, because in a way, it's her fault, she was the last one who hurt me, and she was the last one that lied and made me feel like I'm not good enough. Really though, i can't blame JUST her, i have to blame ALL of them. What's the point though? They don't give a shit, they don't know how they made me feel, and if i told them, they wouldn't care, cause if they did, they wouldn't have hurt me in the first place. I don't know, whatever, who cares.

Hopefully this busy band weekend will get my mind off of this shit, I've said it once and I'll say it again, music won't hurt me.

Stay True.

xLOSERx