When will you get it that this isn't just a hobby? this isn't a side thing while i tend to my real life, no, the music i write, the music i record, the music i feel, whether it be with myself or 2 other dudes, is MY FUCKING LIFE. I don't have someone to hold or hold me back, i don't have someone to say goodnight to me every night and who looks forward to talk to me again in the morning, i don't have someone to spill every last little thought of mine onto because they love me and love to hear what's in my mind. Hell, sometimes people I'm talking to forget I'm even there and i don't hear from them for weeks. Truth is, i don't NEED any of that, listen to me, and listen closely, LOVE IS DEAD TO ME. It's a fallacy, it doesn't exist, it never has and it never will. For someone to convince me different is going to prove to be a difficult task. Love has no meaning to me anymore, my inner most thoughts spill into my songs, I'm sick of confiding in someone so fucking much and having them throw me away in a week like a used tampon. I AM NOBODY'S TAMPON. For the first time in my life, i am content with being alone, i am content with having nobody to hold, content with having nobody to talk to when I'm feeling a bit crazy, content with having no comfort when something goes wrong, cause in the end, i know it's all a bunch of BULLSHIT. When I'm feeling low and i write a song, i know for damn sure that the song isn't going to leave me, the only place it's going is back through my mind over a billion times until i get it right enough to share with people. It will always stay with me though, and i won't have to pay somebody to make it legal for us to be together forever, no, FUCK THAT, me and that song WILL be together forever, because we have bonded in a beautiful experience called recording. I don't need fake love, i have real love, it's in my music, and we did not spend 3 and a half years working our asses off to get to the point we are now to let it all fall apart because we have financial issues. Fuck, we put all our time, MOST of MY money, half the band's money we got from playing our asses off at shows, our minds, our energy, all of that into our first full length record, and where is it? Sitting on a shelf, so to speak, within our computers, waiting to get mastered and released. I fucking tell you, this WILL get released by the beginning of next year, and that's a fucking promise. I'm sick of sitting around and waiting for shit to happen, i don't give a fuck if i have to do it alone, because i assure you, i am NOTHING, i am a NOBODY, i will go NOWHERE...without the music, and if you bet for ONE FUCKING MILLISECOND that if i get abandoned alone in all this that i will give up, well you better think twice before counting me out because no matter what, I'll keep going, even if it kills me, even if i wind up homeless, there is no GODDAMN way i am giving up on my dream.
bottom line is, music is my life, my life is music, and i am not saying that as someone who just listens to music 24/7 and tells people it's my life, no, i live it, i breathe it, without it, i am dead. If you don't believe a word i am saying, then you can burn.
that's some fucking truth.
Stay True.
xLOSERx
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Busy Busy Busy
so it's been awhile, eh?
yeah i've been quite busy (and lazy)..especially today, me and Cody called a bunch of venues to book shows..of course half of them were either disconnected or whatever..but the other half we made some progress..pretty much all of them don't book over the phone, i don't know why, they like to book online, so we're waiting for responses. This is good news since we ALMOST opened for the Misfits, but the fucking guy at croc wan'ts a 160 dollar down payment, WHAT THE FUCK? i have no idea why, money hungry? i don't know, point is we can't pay that, so we can't play it, sucks yeah, but oh well, we probably would have been first, and we were gonna be downstairs anyways, so people probably wouldn't have paid much attention to us, especially if they wanted to keep their spots on the main floor for the Misfits. i can't blame them, i'd do the same, haha.
anyways, i've heard that 2 people have had the Suburban Losers song "Kevin Smith" stuck in their heads. Of course that song is about the famed director. i wrote the main riff and the lyrics to that song and it just feels so good that 2 people have MY voice stuck in their head. it's crazy, it's almost like people are going to start taking us seriously now. we are a serious band, we work our asses off to get our name out there, book shows, flyer shows, give away music for free so that people will listen. hell, we're probably all going to go broke over this band, but quite frankly i don't care how broke i get doing this, cause it's my fucking dream, and i'm going to keep fighting for it until it happens, people will know Suburban Losers whether they want to or not. cause we won't give up until Kevin Smith is stuck in everyones head! hahaha! no, we won't even give up after that happens, hell, i'll give up when i'm dead. yeah, that works.
so we might have a show on october 30th, still waiting for a response to that, hopefully we get it. tomorrow though we're doing another acoustic show at Hot Topic Berkshire Mall. i don't give a fuck what anyone says about Hot Topic, that store rocks, and so does the staff at Berkshire, they've helped us get our name out so much there. We've flyered there, played so many acoustic shows, given out CDs, hell that store is like our outlet for promotion and i love it! so thank you very much Hot Topic Berkshire, you'll forever be our friends.
man i'm tired..we practiced today, acoustic and electric, i tried singing Normal Ones, like, actually singing it. Normal Ones is a song that i wrote lyrics to that i love so very dearly, those lyrics mean a lot to me and are the best lyrics i've ever written. Cody was so kind as to write a riff to it, and i was going to sing it, but he sung it so well that i just told him to do it. Lately i've been wondering what i would sound like if i sung smoothly, and then i was talking to Becky and she said i sounded good because she saw us do an Against Me! cover at our first Hot Topic show that i actually sang, and she said i sounded awesome, so she told me to give it another shot, so i did. i think i sound alright, i need some work and i'm not confident enough yet to start writing songs in which i sing smooth and i'm not confident enough yet to sing smoothly in front of anyone who isn't the band yet, but maybe i'll get there, who knows, for now though i'm sticking to what i'm good at: yelling my face off! no that was really lame, let's just call it yelling aggressively.
anywho, i should get to bed, practice tomorrow and the acoustic show tomorrow, gotta get some rest.
goodnight blogosphere.
Stay True.
xXx.
yeah i've been quite busy (and lazy)..especially today, me and Cody called a bunch of venues to book shows..of course half of them were either disconnected or whatever..but the other half we made some progress..pretty much all of them don't book over the phone, i don't know why, they like to book online, so we're waiting for responses. This is good news since we ALMOST opened for the Misfits, but the fucking guy at croc wan'ts a 160 dollar down payment, WHAT THE FUCK? i have no idea why, money hungry? i don't know, point is we can't pay that, so we can't play it, sucks yeah, but oh well, we probably would have been first, and we were gonna be downstairs anyways, so people probably wouldn't have paid much attention to us, especially if they wanted to keep their spots on the main floor for the Misfits. i can't blame them, i'd do the same, haha.
anyways, i've heard that 2 people have had the Suburban Losers song "Kevin Smith" stuck in their heads. Of course that song is about the famed director. i wrote the main riff and the lyrics to that song and it just feels so good that 2 people have MY voice stuck in their head. it's crazy, it's almost like people are going to start taking us seriously now. we are a serious band, we work our asses off to get our name out there, book shows, flyer shows, give away music for free so that people will listen. hell, we're probably all going to go broke over this band, but quite frankly i don't care how broke i get doing this, cause it's my fucking dream, and i'm going to keep fighting for it until it happens, people will know Suburban Losers whether they want to or not. cause we won't give up until Kevin Smith is stuck in everyones head! hahaha! no, we won't even give up after that happens, hell, i'll give up when i'm dead. yeah, that works.
so we might have a show on october 30th, still waiting for a response to that, hopefully we get it. tomorrow though we're doing another acoustic show at Hot Topic Berkshire Mall. i don't give a fuck what anyone says about Hot Topic, that store rocks, and so does the staff at Berkshire, they've helped us get our name out so much there. We've flyered there, played so many acoustic shows, given out CDs, hell that store is like our outlet for promotion and i love it! so thank you very much Hot Topic Berkshire, you'll forever be our friends.
man i'm tired..we practiced today, acoustic and electric, i tried singing Normal Ones, like, actually singing it. Normal Ones is a song that i wrote lyrics to that i love so very dearly, those lyrics mean a lot to me and are the best lyrics i've ever written. Cody was so kind as to write a riff to it, and i was going to sing it, but he sung it so well that i just told him to do it. Lately i've been wondering what i would sound like if i sung smoothly, and then i was talking to Becky and she said i sounded good because she saw us do an Against Me! cover at our first Hot Topic show that i actually sang, and she said i sounded awesome, so she told me to give it another shot, so i did. i think i sound alright, i need some work and i'm not confident enough yet to start writing songs in which i sing smooth and i'm not confident enough yet to sing smoothly in front of anyone who isn't the band yet, but maybe i'll get there, who knows, for now though i'm sticking to what i'm good at: yelling my face off! no that was really lame, let's just call it yelling aggressively.
anywho, i should get to bed, practice tomorrow and the acoustic show tomorrow, gotta get some rest.
goodnight blogosphere.
Stay True.
xXx.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Work Sucks...I Know.
oh joy, back to the monotonous, depressing, tiring work life. the weekend was fun, now it's back to no fun, tired eyes, tired mind, tired body, tired soul...well you get the point.
i hate work when it's not something productive (as in band stuff, etc) but i have to go, i need money, pretty damn badly, and sadly (rhyme) my only means of income is working at the bullshit king known as Dairy Queen (well ours is the bullshit king..i guess it's also a drag queen). everyday i i care less and less about this place and i think by the end of this year i'll either be working somewhere else (hopefully) or still stuck at this damn place with no motivation to care at all about working there. i just hope some other store hires me, and i'm trying my hardest to get another job and hopefully get an overnight stock or janitor job or something, cause let's face it, there's no way i'll ever cure my insomnia. i tried no caffine, i tried getting back to a regular sleep schedule, nothing works, i can never fall asleep early no matter how hard i try, and if i get overnight hours, i will not only get many work hours, i will also have something to do with my late night evergy that i always seem to have when i'm at home alone. i think maybe when i'm with my girlfriend i like sleeping because i feel secure and all that stuff when i'm laying next to her, because when i'm alone, i don't like sleep, it's more like a chore, something i have to do because i have to get up for fucking work. it's like i can't let the tired come naturally anymore because i have a job, and i guess i need to be miserable to make money, unless my band gets signed or something, someone sign us please? i'm going crazy..
ah fuck it, why do i bitch? it gets me nowhere, i guess i'll just have to try to deal with it until something better comes along, hopefully an overnight job, cause i can't work afternoons because it'll interfere with practice, same with evenings, so it's either morning or overnight, and i'd pick overnight over morning, so i'd actually get sleep. i'm getting to the point where i actually black out at work, is that dangerous? maybe, but i don't think so, worst that could happen is some fat ass might not get their ice cream right away because i accedently dropped it on the floor from blacking out. who am i calling a fat ass? look at me! no, we're not getting into how much i need to lose weight, this blog will go on forever.
well i guess i should go get ready for work now...
Stay True.
xXx.
i hate work when it's not something productive (as in band stuff, etc) but i have to go, i need money, pretty damn badly, and sadly (rhyme) my only means of income is working at the bullshit king known as Dairy Queen (well ours is the bullshit king..i guess it's also a drag queen). everyday i i care less and less about this place and i think by the end of this year i'll either be working somewhere else (hopefully) or still stuck at this damn place with no motivation to care at all about working there. i just hope some other store hires me, and i'm trying my hardest to get another job and hopefully get an overnight stock or janitor job or something, cause let's face it, there's no way i'll ever cure my insomnia. i tried no caffine, i tried getting back to a regular sleep schedule, nothing works, i can never fall asleep early no matter how hard i try, and if i get overnight hours, i will not only get many work hours, i will also have something to do with my late night evergy that i always seem to have when i'm at home alone. i think maybe when i'm with my girlfriend i like sleeping because i feel secure and all that stuff when i'm laying next to her, because when i'm alone, i don't like sleep, it's more like a chore, something i have to do because i have to get up for fucking work. it's like i can't let the tired come naturally anymore because i have a job, and i guess i need to be miserable to make money, unless my band gets signed or something, someone sign us please? i'm going crazy..
ah fuck it, why do i bitch? it gets me nowhere, i guess i'll just have to try to deal with it until something better comes along, hopefully an overnight job, cause i can't work afternoons because it'll interfere with practice, same with evenings, so it's either morning or overnight, and i'd pick overnight over morning, so i'd actually get sleep. i'm getting to the point where i actually black out at work, is that dangerous? maybe, but i don't think so, worst that could happen is some fat ass might not get their ice cream right away because i accedently dropped it on the floor from blacking out. who am i calling a fat ass? look at me! no, we're not getting into how much i need to lose weight, this blog will go on forever.
well i guess i should go get ready for work now...
Stay True.
xXx.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Fuck Headaches.
god, i hate that people you may know feature on myspace, cause the same people come up all the time, and it annoys me. i kind of want to friend request all of them so they stop popping up, but then i'd be friends with a bunch of people i don't care about or abunch of people that didn't talk to me in high school. oh how fun. no, i'm not requesting them.
i'm also kind of sick of twitter updates on my phone, but i think if i cancel them, i'll miss them, but then again my phone won't vibrate every 20 minutes and i won't wake up to 19 new text messages all from twitter. it seems i never get texts from people i love anymore, it's always twitter. or maybe i just never got texts from people i love very often before twitter and i am just now realizing this..poo..oh well, i need to cancel some of my updates, not all of em though.
so i didn't eat all day, had a terrible migraine, which if i don't eat right away when i'm hungry, i get a terrible migraine that likes to last all day until i either sleep or take pills. well i took pills before i went to see my neice, then i ate Burger King, yes it was good, shut up, but then i still had a headache, so then i went to sleep at about 5 something, woke up at 9:30 and i STILL HAVE A HEADACHE AS i TYPE even after i ate a bagel, drank Kool Aid, and ate a giant Hershey bar (Hershey is probably the only perk about living in PA, i mean, it's distributed world wide but atleast i can be proud to say i'm from the Hershey State, plus we have Hershey park, take that better states! HA!). i also took more pills, advil (taking headache pills does not break Edge, shut the fuck up you assholes who don't understand Straight Edge and like to pick at us for medication and caffine), so my headache has kind of subsided, but it's still kind of annoying me.
anyways! tomorrow my band Suburban Losers plays with Patent Pending, it's so fucking awesome. i personally love Patent Pending, i'm definitely going to try to talk to Joe and give him a cd, hopefully. Also, it's awesome to play more electric shows, we do more acoustic shows because well, that's all we can get, and since we barely play any shows ever, we signed on with Hot Topic to do a monthly acoustic show just so we can get our name out and give out our cds, since we barely get electric shows to do so at. Don't get me wrong, we love the acoustic shows, they're always fun, but Jason (our drummer) doesn't get to do anything there and plus me and Cody love playing electric shows more. they have more energy and people can hear what we really sound like, cause we haven't done an acoustic record yet, we want to but not just yet, since we only have 1 EP out and just started a series of demos that display our new songs. before we do anything else, we'd like a fan base, and an indie label, but we know that takes hard fucking work to get there. some bands just don't get the work ethic that needs to go into music, if you want to get even a lukewarm response from people, you need to work your ass off, DIY shit because you know you don't have a label, book your own shows, talk to other bands so you can get shows with them, and along the way make some awesome friends in bands and help eachother out. so much work beyond myspace and just "hey, check out my band" goes into this shit, and i fucking LOVE every goddamn tiring minute of it, i wouldn't want to be doing anything else with my life, so you bet your ass i'm going to be working as hard as i can to get to where i wanna be. we aren't no panic at the disco who just send their demo to Pete Wentz and suddenly have a label, hit record, and huge fan base, no! those assholes didn't work at all beyond songwriting, which is the fun part! fuck them. we have to work work work work and then more work, THAT'S how you make it with honor.
well that'd be enough out of my mind for today, til text time..
Stay True.
xXx.
i'm also kind of sick of twitter updates on my phone, but i think if i cancel them, i'll miss them, but then again my phone won't vibrate every 20 minutes and i won't wake up to 19 new text messages all from twitter. it seems i never get texts from people i love anymore, it's always twitter. or maybe i just never got texts from people i love very often before twitter and i am just now realizing this..poo..oh well, i need to cancel some of my updates, not all of em though.
so i didn't eat all day, had a terrible migraine, which if i don't eat right away when i'm hungry, i get a terrible migraine that likes to last all day until i either sleep or take pills. well i took pills before i went to see my neice, then i ate Burger King, yes it was good, shut up, but then i still had a headache, so then i went to sleep at about 5 something, woke up at 9:30 and i STILL HAVE A HEADACHE AS i TYPE even after i ate a bagel, drank Kool Aid, and ate a giant Hershey bar (Hershey is probably the only perk about living in PA, i mean, it's distributed world wide but atleast i can be proud to say i'm from the Hershey State, plus we have Hershey park, take that better states! HA!). i also took more pills, advil (taking headache pills does not break Edge, shut the fuck up you assholes who don't understand Straight Edge and like to pick at us for medication and caffine), so my headache has kind of subsided, but it's still kind of annoying me.
anyways! tomorrow my band Suburban Losers plays with Patent Pending, it's so fucking awesome. i personally love Patent Pending, i'm definitely going to try to talk to Joe and give him a cd, hopefully. Also, it's awesome to play more electric shows, we do more acoustic shows because well, that's all we can get, and since we barely play any shows ever, we signed on with Hot Topic to do a monthly acoustic show just so we can get our name out and give out our cds, since we barely get electric shows to do so at. Don't get me wrong, we love the acoustic shows, they're always fun, but Jason (our drummer) doesn't get to do anything there and plus me and Cody love playing electric shows more. they have more energy and people can hear what we really sound like, cause we haven't done an acoustic record yet, we want to but not just yet, since we only have 1 EP out and just started a series of demos that display our new songs. before we do anything else, we'd like a fan base, and an indie label, but we know that takes hard fucking work to get there. some bands just don't get the work ethic that needs to go into music, if you want to get even a lukewarm response from people, you need to work your ass off, DIY shit because you know you don't have a label, book your own shows, talk to other bands so you can get shows with them, and along the way make some awesome friends in bands and help eachother out. so much work beyond myspace and just "hey, check out my band" goes into this shit, and i fucking LOVE every goddamn tiring minute of it, i wouldn't want to be doing anything else with my life, so you bet your ass i'm going to be working as hard as i can to get to where i wanna be. we aren't no panic at the disco who just send their demo to Pete Wentz and suddenly have a label, hit record, and huge fan base, no! those assholes didn't work at all beyond songwriting, which is the fun part! fuck them. we have to work work work work and then more work, THAT'S how you make it with honor.
well that'd be enough out of my mind for today, til text time..
Stay True.
xXx.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Introduction.
i made a blog..yeah..i'm not sure why..i'm never that interesting..i guess cause i figure somebody wants to read my weird thoughts about everything that i come accross..you just wait, they get pretty weird.
so here i am at 2:24 in the morning..made some pop corn..not sure why because i really need to start losing weight and yet i keep eating and eating and eating..oh well..as long as i don't become as fat as that mexican dude who got married and almost died from being wheeled out of his house on a flatbed truck..yeah i know right?!
so you might wonder why i call myself a Loser more often than not..and why i adopted it as my last name..well here goes..first off, i'm in a punk band called Suburban Losers, check us out at www.myspace.com/suburbanlosers you might like us, might not, but anyways, i adopted Richard Loser as my stage name, and now i can't stop using it because it makes be feel so good inside to know that i'm taking pride in an insult people have used on me for years..it makes me feel like i've won, i guess. just like how now i take pride in being fat, i was called every fat name in the book when i was in elementary school through middle school, and by high school i was like "yeah i'm fat, that's nothing new..why are you telling me this?" oh well..that's enough of that blabber..(remember Flabber from the Beetle Borgs? hell yeah!).
i don't feel like using caps..usually i'm more gramattically correct but i'll only use caps on important stuff..like Flabber..
well i'm going to go be more of a fatass, eat my popcorn, and then try to sleep, i've got practice tomorrow.
Stay True.
xXx
so here i am at 2:24 in the morning..made some pop corn..not sure why because i really need to start losing weight and yet i keep eating and eating and eating..oh well..as long as i don't become as fat as that mexican dude who got married and almost died from being wheeled out of his house on a flatbed truck..yeah i know right?!
so you might wonder why i call myself a Loser more often than not..and why i adopted it as my last name..well here goes..first off, i'm in a punk band called Suburban Losers, check us out at www.myspace.com/suburbanlosers you might like us, might not, but anyways, i adopted Richard Loser as my stage name, and now i can't stop using it because it makes be feel so good inside to know that i'm taking pride in an insult people have used on me for years..it makes me feel like i've won, i guess. just like how now i take pride in being fat, i was called every fat name in the book when i was in elementary school through middle school, and by high school i was like "yeah i'm fat, that's nothing new..why are you telling me this?" oh well..that's enough of that blabber..(remember Flabber from the Beetle Borgs? hell yeah!).
i don't feel like using caps..usually i'm more gramattically correct but i'll only use caps on important stuff..like Flabber..
well i'm going to go be more of a fatass, eat my popcorn, and then try to sleep, i've got practice tomorrow.
Stay True.
xXx
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