Changes.

Okay, so it seems that the track listing for What We Worked For's first album/demo/ep/whateverthefuck, might be abit different from what i posted before. I'm not doing Halloween anymore, i want to keep it all original. Also, I'm adding Cadaver, which is a Suburban Losers song about falling in love with a dead girl...yeah that's right. I may write one or two more originals and add an outro, depending on where my creativity goes. I do have one new original since i posted that track listing, which came out of nowhere, just fucking around on the guitar and i came up with a riff and set it up with some of my old lyrics and BOOM, a song. Bobby (friend of mine/drummer for Alive In The Moment/fellow band mate in Johnny Power) has offered to record it for free. Considering my computer for whatever reason won't read the mic i hooked up to it, this is very convenient and helpful.

In other news, i met a girl, nothing can happen as far as dating goes between us, go figure. I need to remind myself to never gain feelings for a girl, because i should KNOW by now that there's always SOMETHING that could prevent us from dating. So, fuck it. I miss the me from a month ago that didn't give a shit about love anymore. Why do i care again? pft, i don't know (see last blog post, maybe that will answer it? curse my brain for thinking)

I'm going to go practice my songs, i seem to be getting smoother with playing, which is good.

Stay True.

xLOSERx

Untitled.

sighs and cries...i don't know what to do right now...

Am i permanently damaged? why can't i fall asleep tonight? For weeks I've been feeling good, sleeping well, waking up normally, and now, all these terrible thoughts come rushing back out of nowhere, and i just lay there in silence, with my heart beating a mile a minute, and it doesn't slow down until i have sat up and turned the light on, back on here, with music playing, wishing i was asleep. FUCK, where did this come from? I just keep thinking about shit to myself, like, i tell myself i don't believe in love anymore, but am i just scared? Am i afraid of getting hurt over and over again? Am i afraid of getting stuck in another dead end relationship like the last one where I'm always miserable, where she treats me like dirt, where i constantly want to commit suicide because she makes me feel so goddamn low and I'm too much of a pussy to break it off? Maybe, or maybe love really doesn't exist? I see examples proving that statement right more often than i see them proving that statement wrong. Then again, maybe some people CAN find love, and others, like me, simply cannot, and will not, because they're destined for other things. Who fucking knows, I don't, that's for sure. I'm just afraid now, will my doubts and feeling that there's always somebody better than me out there ruin any chances i have of starting a new relationship? It's quite possible. Will i ever get over my fear? Do i have any love left to give? Or have i drained it all out to people that end up hurting me? I just want to look my last "fling" in the eye and say FUCK YOU, because in a way, it's her fault, she was the last one who hurt me, and she was the last one that lied and made me feel like I'm not good enough. Really though, i can't blame JUST her, i have to blame ALL of them. What's the point though? They don't give a shit, they don't know how they made me feel, and if i told them, they wouldn't care, cause if they did, they wouldn't have hurt me in the first place. I don't know, whatever, who cares.

Hopefully this busy band weekend will get my mind off of this shit, I've said it once and I'll say it again, music won't hurt me.

Stay True.

xLOSERx

Mmmmm..Productivity.

Okay, so, it looks like What We Worked For's first EP is already done, song wise (yes, i've dropped the 've, it rolls off the tounge better). I will reveal the track listing right here, right now. This may be subject to change, but i'm not sure yet, cause i may end up not putting the Misfits cover on if i can write another good original song, OR i may add another song if i write another good original. The songs are short, simple, and to the point, with random titles. I'm debating on what to call the EP, whether it be self titled or stick with the theme of randomness, but i'm not sure yet. Well, here's the track listing:

1. Intro
2. Bryan Danielson Is A Vegan
3. Smoker
4. Halloween (Misfits Cover)
5. Peanut Butter & Jelly
6. Exclusive Autopsy Video
7. There Is No Applesauce

The intro, i have pretty much decided is going to be me reading one of my short stories, over the chords from There Is No Applesauce, but played differently. It's hard for me to explain, but you'll see. Smoker is a Suburban Losers song, but we never play it live anymore. It's one that i wrote the lyrics and the riff, so i was able to take it and use it here, it can be found on the Suburban Losers EP in an electric version. As far as the pressing of the EP goes, I'm doing it DIY like i did with Suburban Losers demos and the EP, the cover art I'll figure out later. Once I obtain a mic and computer adaptor i can record these. The EP will be sold at Suburban Losers shows and What We Worked For shows when i start doing them, and as of now, the money made from them will go towards the Suburban Losers full length and anything else we need. I don't think I'm gonna make a Myspace for WWWF, i may just make a bandcamp and facebook, since Myspace is getting so hard to use now, but we'll see where it goes.

more updates soon about other stuff, but for now, I'm hungry

Stay True.

xLOSERx

The Truth.

When will you get it that this isn't just a hobby? this isn't a side thing while i tend to my real life, no, the music i write, the music i record, the music i feel, whether it be with myself or 2 other dudes, is MY FUCKING LIFE. I don't have someone to hold or hold me back, i don't have someone to say goodnight to me every night and who looks forward to talk to me again in the morning, i don't have someone to spill every last little thought of mine onto because they love me and love to hear what's in my mind. Hell, sometimes people I'm talking to forget I'm even there and i don't hear from them for weeks. Truth is, i don't NEED any of that, listen to me, and listen closely, LOVE IS DEAD TO ME. It's a fallacy, it doesn't exist, it never has and it never will. For someone to convince me different is going to prove to be a difficult task. Love has no meaning to me anymore, my inner most thoughts spill into my songs, I'm sick of confiding in someone so fucking much and having them throw me away in a week like a used tampon. I AM NOBODY'S TAMPON. For the first time in my life, i am content with being alone, i am content with having nobody to hold, content with having nobody to talk to when I'm feeling a bit crazy, content with having no comfort when something goes wrong, cause in the end, i know it's all a bunch of BULLSHIT. When I'm feeling low and i write a song, i know for damn sure that the song isn't going to leave me, the only place it's going is back through my mind over a billion times until i get it right enough to share with people. It will always stay with me though, and i won't have to pay somebody to make it legal for us to be together forever, no, FUCK THAT, me and that song WILL be together forever, because we have bonded in a beautiful experience called recording. I don't need fake love, i have real love, it's in my music, and we did not spend 3 and a half years working our asses off to get to the point we are now to let it all fall apart because we have financial issues. Fuck, we put all our time, MOST of MY money, half the band's money we got from playing our asses off at shows, our minds, our energy, all of that into our first full length record, and where is it? Sitting on a shelf, so to speak, within our computers, waiting to get mastered and released. I fucking tell you, this WILL get released by the beginning of next year, and that's a fucking promise. I'm sick of sitting around and waiting for shit to happen, i don't give a fuck if i have to do it alone, because i assure you, i am NOTHING, i am a NOBODY, i will go NOWHERE...without the music, and if you bet for ONE FUCKING MILLISECOND that if i get abandoned alone in all this that i will give up, well you better think twice before counting me out because no matter what, I'll keep going, even if it kills me, even if i wind up homeless, there is no GODDAMN way i am giving up on my dream.

bottom line is, music is my life, my life is music, and i am not saying that as someone who just listens to music 24/7 and tells people it's my life, no, i live it, i breathe it, without it, i am dead. If you don't believe a word i am saying, then you can burn.

that's some fucking truth.

Stay True.

xLOSERx

Sickly Blog

Aw man, i feel so sick today, i don't know why, but i do.

I'm planning on spending all day tomorrow working on songs for What We've Worked For. So far, i have one original song, and 2 covers. The original song is called "There Is No Applesauce" it has lyrics and music to it done. I've been practicing it for days now and i will hopefully have it down soon. One cover I'm FOR SURE doing is Halloween by The Misfits, a weird, mellow, folky version. I MIGHT do Those Anarcho Punks Are Mysterious by Against Me! but i'm not sure yet, i also might do Next To You by Matt Skiba, but that one is iffy. What i really need is original songs right now, i have enough lyrics, i just need music. I took a few lyrics that i had written meant for Suburban Losers and am using them, i also wrote a whole batch of new ones. These lyrics are different in the sense that I'm TRYING not to be as serious with them as the SL lyrics. Some of them are comical, sarcastic, and left for you to figure out what they mean yourself. Sometimes, i don't even know what they mean, I'm just putting together thoughts that are pouring out of my head, and by the end of the song, i can figure out what they mean. It's a different process than how i write for Suburban Losers in the sense that when i write for SL, i actually think about what i want the song to be about as i start writing, and i know what i'm writing about. Suburban Losers songs are usually more personal for me, these are less personal in a way, but i guess they kind of are? I don't know, all i know is, the lyrics i write for SL i INTEND to be personal, while the lyrics I'm writing for WWWF are not intended to be personal, but may come out that way. I'm still working on strumming patterns for guitar, which i figure the more songs i write the more i can get used to strumming patterns. I am definitely in no shape to play any shows or record yet, i personally think i sound terrible at the moment, but I'll get there. As expected, my best written songs will be used for Suburban Losers, so, i wouldn't expect this project to have AMAZING lyrics, but they're definitely lyrics that i really like and am proud of. Which i guess, as a songwriter, that's all that matters. A Reoccurring theme with this project is random song titles. When i finish a song, i title it the first thing that comes to my mind, or a phrase that i find funny. Either way, every title is extremely random and have nothing to do with the lyrics. Which i think is awesome.

more on this to come as it progresses.

Stay True.

xLOSERx

What We've Worked For

Good Morning everyone! or is it night? i don't know.

I think I've decided on a name for my acoustic side project. I have chosen What We've Worked For, which is taken directly from the Against Me! song "What We Worked For" only adding the 've to "We", which means "Have" so in full, What We Have Worked For, but that's ridiculous, What We've Worked For sounds better, not to mention the acronym which is WWWF, old school wrestling fans will find that humorous, i hope i don't get sued! Next step is writing songs, i have learned another song today, "Those Anarcho Punks Are Mysterious" by Against Me!, amazing song from 2 amazing records "The Acoustic EP" and "Reinventing Axl Rose" check those records out if you haven't heard em already. Again I'd like to clarify that Suburban Losers remains my first musical priority. These side projects are merely to keep me busy while at home alone. Though, that doesn't mean i won't record, play shows, tour, all the fun stuff, yanno? It's just, if Suburban Losers takes off, or we get our damn record out, I'm willing to drop the side projects for the time being until SL gets some down time.

The reason for picking the name based off of the Against Me! song is simple, the lyrics to that song have always described my journey as a "musician". For those that don't know, here are the lyrics:

I lost the confidence to write a song,
so i found three simple chords and I held them together with my weak voice on an out-of-tune guitar my father gave to me.
May Elvis turn in his grave and Les Paul curse my dirty calloused fingers. May the likes of this song never make one fucking dollar,
leave it for a demo tape to be played until it's broken
then remembered only for what it was...
that we gave 'em hell.

To my friends and enemies who could have been anything,
titans and heroes who found survival in cause and effect.
Behind counters, behind windows, striving just to be people
with bitter ideals of justice.
Do we only need to keep working because it pays rent?
Sleeping under plastic stars glued to a ceiling,
muscles burning alcohol and nicotine every morning...
but we gave them hell

There's a height beyond skyscrapers, there's a distance beyond the freeway.
More than pictures in a magazine, more than tragedy in a rock and roll song.
It's more than the actions you know it's safe to make,
It's more than money could ever buy.
Are we living to work and die in american cities,
working to live and die in american cities, and dying for what we worked.

Stay True.

xLOSERx

It's Been Nice Waking Up Next To...You?

i can't remember the last time i wrote a blog two days in a row...hmmm...well with how things are going lately, i would probably suspect more blogs out of me.

i found out some terrible news today, i will not make public what it is just yet, but, if you are a close friend of mine, you either already know, or are going to know as soon as we talk again. Point is, it's been worrying me since i found out, sleep will not come easy tonight, but does it ever?

My progression with guitar seems to be going better than expected. I learned a song today and finally figured out guitar tabs, which, next to bass tabs, look like a jumble of numbers. I learned Matt Skiba's "Next To You" from his split with Kevin Seconds, amazing record, check it out. That's one song I'll probably cover during shows or on an EP for this unnamed acoustic project. I was also debating whether i should write a whole new batch of lyrics or sift through the unused Suburban Losers lyrics i have been writing for the past couple months and separate the ones i really wanna use for Losers from the ones i wanna use for the acoustic stuff. I figure I'll worry about that when the time comes to begin writing songs. I figure that I'll be spending most of my home alone time working on this project, which is a better deal than sitting here with my mind on overdrive and remembering everything that i hate about myself and the world. Instead I'll just put it into songs, not like i haven't been doing that all along anyways.

Work has been worrying me too, they called me in twice and i feel bad because the first time i couldn't cause i had practice, and the second time it's because there was no gas to get me down there. It sucks living 30 minutes away from my job, but i love my Hot Topic job a lot, i won't be quitting. I just hope that they don't see me as unreliable now, and i also hope that my hours for Saturday have stayed intact. So i guess it's not work itself that is worrying me, it's how they see me as an employee now that has been worrying me.

I miss talking to a few people, everyone is busy these days, it sucks. Hopefully soon I'll be as busy as them, or maybe even busier than them.

i have actually grown tired, like, really tired, and there's nobody talking to me right now, so i may just lay down and hope sleep comes.

Stay True.

xLOSERx

Hot Pockets!

ah, so here we are again, blog-o-sphere, i am your host, Richard Loser, and i am more insane than I've ever been.

Things have been quite hectic lately, hours increased at work, still clawing up the wall that leads to the mastering of the first full length Suburban Losers record, all while getting no help. I'm going to have to sell some shit in order to reach $530 for the initial mastering, then who the hell knows what we're going to do for pressing, i guess we'll worry about that when the time comes. My green Dean Zone bass, which i have dubbed Zoey, is pretty much working for the time being, after cutting out for most of our set at our first Skate IT show, leaving me to use my black Ibanez Soundgear bass which i call Darth Vader (and may be sold soon) at the Hamburg Park, playing to a weak crowd of about 20 at the most, with about 6 or 7 kids keeping interest in the hour long set we were supposed to play, which only ending up being about 40 minutes, but it doesn't matter, cause it was a disaster for my left hand, which was in a constant cramp, my right hand, which kept hitting one of the 3 pickups that Vader has, and the band itself, who pissed off the old people running the show because of a few inappropriate comments made by members of said band (us, duh). The kids didn't seem to mind though, so, whatever. I am just happy to now have Zoey back in my arms, and hopefully forever this time.

So, i think i have found a cure for being lonely all the time, i have decided to fill the void of my empty heart with several musical projects. Not only do i have my main focus, Suburban Losers, but i am going to try out for my friend Bobby's 3 piece punk band he's starting called Johnny Power. I will be trying out for drums, believe it or not, I've only had a small experience with drums in the past, but i have enough confidence in myself to do a good job, here's hoping i do. Also, i have taken up guitar, for real this time, i am borrowing Jason's acoustic guitar. Hopefully, when i get good enough, i will begin an acoustic project which will remain unnamed for now. It will not be a solo project, but more so, a chance for me to be creative with music in a different way, a chance for me to really let my folk punk influences out, which is the style I'm going to be going after. Simple chords, angry vocals, songs of anger, rebellion, and overcoming heartache in the most cynical ways possible. How is this not a solo project you ask? Well, even though my ideas will be the root of the project, i have no issue in collaborating, and Jason has agreed to help on drums and bass if necessary, I'm sure Cody won't mind collaborating either, despite his own solo acoustic stuff he's working on. Offers are welcome to musicians outside of Suburban Losers to come and jam with me as well, that is, once i get this off the ground. My main focus will always be Suburban Losers, of course, but during our non writing periods, it will be nice to still express myself through writing and developing music. Hell, some of the songs i write may end up in Suburban Losers anyways, but i pretty much know the direction I'm going in with my half of the writing in SL, so we'll see what happens. Hopefully this will fill the void and make me forget about the constant rejection.

I have recently become addicted to Hot Pockets, hey, at least it's not drugs, right?

until next time.

Stay True.

xLOSERx