Isolation.

Some days i feel like i wanna go into isolation for months and just write and write until my brain is so empty that there's nothing left to do but turn what i wrote into music and scream it out loud enough for the entire world to hear what i'm thinking. That, sadly, i just cannot do, i have things to do, money to make, continue my journey to find the right girl which i seem to keep finding but in situations where she can't be mine for legal reasoning, the fact that she is with somebody else, or distance issues (don't ask). Though, if i stop looking, she'll find me, right? That's what they keep saying anyways, oh well, why do i try? Point is, there is way too much in my brain and not enough places to dump it out, it's like i need a junk yard or a landfill just for my thoughts. I could pour them into stories? maybe. i could pour them into songs? yes, but the main focus is to make money to get our record released before we write a whole other record, which i would say, we have most of the second album done in lyrics, and the first one isn't even out yet. fuck. I will forever continue to have wonderful conversations with wonderful people, but that only releases so much of what i'm thinking. Thankfully there is Blogger...or Blogspot..what are you called? but the thing is, i hate typing mostly, and this blog is barely read, plus, when i speak to it, it doesn't speak back, it doesn't give me insight on my thoughts that makes me feel less insane, it just stares at me like i AM insane...but maybe i am? aren't most musicians insane? but wait, am i really even a musician? or just a guy that plays music? what's the difference? see what i mean? so many questions, no insight, no answers, i am told i can call any one of my friends when i need help or someone to talk to, but i feel like a total bother doing so, cause i don't think that i'm important enough to take time to talk to, though, i am thankful for the people that do think i am.

i am sleepy..kind of...but i don't want to sleep at all...my mind is in overdrive for sure..i can't stop thinking about her or the fact that tomorrow is going to be another borefest and how i wish i could just skip tomorrow into Thursday so i can work at my super awesome new Hot Topic job, and then end up on Friday where we might have band practice, and then skip to the next practice, and then to our show on August 7th, and then the 28th, and then the fall, and then WE NEED MONEY. fuck, now i'm just in ramble mode...ah fuck it, my hands hurt, i'm going to lay down.

goodnight.

Stay True.

xXx

(edit: i don't know why the fonts are different on both paragraphs...i can't fix it)

Samuel: A Short Story.

Samuel is a good person, a very good person. He's always trying to help his friends when needed, does all he can for his family, and would do anything for the girl he loves. Although Samuel has many friends and a loving family, he lacks in the girl department. In fact, Samuel lives alone, he has for many years, and at age 30, he has begun to think that he will die alone. Since his 20's he has always just wanted someone to love, who loves him back, in a way that friends and family can't, in a way that would make his heart float on into a land of happiness only provided by the woman of his dreams. Though, he does not have that, and he has tried plenty of times for this to happen, failure is all that he is used to in love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. You see, Samuel has suffered from depression since he was very young, and attempts at trying as hard as he can to give hints about his depression have always failed. Nobody pays attention to his cries for help, because with suicide and depression being a part of the mainstream these days, it's almost like a joke to everyone, and they see it merely as a cry for attention, nothing serious. So, his depression remains undiagnosed. Samuel would never take pills for his problems anyways, he feels they do nothing but make the pain worse, only numbing it, but not getting rid of it. He doesn't know why he has depression, and he may never know, but his friends and family's ignorance, mixed with his extremely bad luck with love, has only made him worse and worse. Today, Samuel will help himself. Today, Samuel will do the one thing that he knows will cure him of his horrible thoughts - Samuel is going to kill himself.

The alarm goes off, it's an annoying sound, he never liked it. Samuel opens his eyes in slow motion, only to see a blurry light from his phone screaming at him like an eagle flying over his head. "Morning already?" Samuel says to himself, "God..i was having an amazing dream..why is it time to wake already?". He sits up slowly, rubs his eyes, and waits for them to adjust to the morning light, he shuffles out of his room into the bathroom. Samuel comes across a mirror, he looks into it, sees himself staring back at him, yet, it's not who he knows as himself. Bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep haunt him, running on an hour of sleep from day to day can do damage to the human body, more than anyone knows. He looks into his own eyes, he hates them, he can't stand his eyes. To himself, Samuel is ugly, the ugliest person he's ever seen. "why was i born like this" he says to the mirror, "why must you taunt me...why?". He takes one long, hard look at himself one last time and screams out "I AM NOTHING! I AM NOTHING! I AM NOTHING!" Samuel punches the mirror, shattering broken glass all over the bathroom floor, he cries out at himself "YOU'RE SO STUPID! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" blood ran down his fist, but it was a small cut, nothing compared to what he's really capable of doing to himself. Samuel washes his hands off, and walks into his room to get dressed. Every morning, Samuel likes to step outside for some fresh air, mainly, to find some sort of happiness in his meaningless life. The neighbor, Larry, is standing outside as well. "Hi there Sam! beautiful day isn't it?" Larry exclaims. "Not as beautiful as it could be" Samuel says under his breath to himself, and just smiles and nods at Larry. He didn't want to speak to anyone, he didn't want anyone to somehow convince him not to end his life today, he wanted to leave this world. With a quick glance to the left, Samuel sees a rabbit hopping up next to him, he looks at it, and for the first time in months, he cracked a real smile. "Hi there friend..." he says to the rabbit, "sometimes, i wish i could be you". Samuel then goes inside, where he turns on the TV to the news, "there's never any good news..." he says to the TV, and quickly falls back to sleep. Samuel wakes up to a thunderstorm, it is now dark outside, "how long did i sleep?" he says out loud to himself. He then stretches, yawns, and proceeds up the stairs, where his plan will take place, and he will finally be laid to rest.

Suddenly, Samuel is overwhelmed with anger at himself. "What is so wrong with me? why do i say stupid things? what is my purpose here?" He continues to mumble to himself while he slams and locks his door, shuts his phone off, and searches his drawer for a razor blade. "nobody will stop me...not this time...not again...this time i am gone, nobody will miss me, not even a bit" Samuel takes the razor blade, presses it onto his wrist, and begins to cut, slowly. Lighting crashes around him, it is a dark and stormy night, he ignores the flashes and loud thunder, and continues cutting. "why isn't this working" he says, "this damn blade is so dull, come on, work!" he keeps yelling at himself, telling himself to cut harder "WORK DAMMIT! WORK!" he cuts more, violently, this time moving quicker, he will not stop, he is determined to get out, escape to a better world where he won't have to live with himself. No more lonely nights, no more rejections, no more being ignored, this time, people will remember him, people will feel for him, they will see Samuel for who he is, who he was, and who he will never be. "WHY ISN'T IT CUTTING! WHY! CUT DAMMIT!" what Samuel doesn't realize, is that the blade has already reached the vain, but he keeps going, violently. "I...I guess it's not going to work" he stops, blood runs down his arm like a waterfall, it stains his white shirt. "Maybe i'm supposed to live...maybe" Samuel then retires to his bed, and clutches himself, he has nobody to hug, nobody to comfort him, he is all alone. "This isn't right...why am i doing this? i should be alive..yeah..tomorrow, i begin a new life, i will be positive, i will fight this depression on my own, i will go out, and hell, i WILL meet the girl of my dreams, we will get married together, have a family, yeah! tomorrow is a new day for me...a new day..of happiness". He begins to smile..a real, big smile, he cries tears of joy. "I am sorry..." he says to himself "god..this hurts so bad.." he says of his cut. Samuel lays there, hugging himself, bleeding, crying, smiling. He passes out, with hopes and dreams of a new day in his life.

Samuel died that night, tightly clutching his own body...

Written by: Richard Finogle Jr.

Ladies: Don't Take This The Wrong Way.

so, i was on facebook, reading "100 things guys don't notice about girls", and you know what's funny? i have tried EVERY GODDAMN ONE of these things for my past girlfriends, and you're about to see what i got in return. Girls, please don't take this as a "i hate all women and I'm a sexist" thing, it's merely showing you that if you want these things from your boy, appreciate them, or they'll later post a blog about you and how they lost faith in girls because of the denial. I'm sure every dude in my boat right now could easily contradict these with their own experiences, and if you can, please do :) also, if there is a girl that can prove my contradictions wrong and actually doesn't take their boy for granted, let me know.

well, here it goes...

1.a girl will always. always.always. find out if you lie, so don't do it. - what about your lies? oh yeah, i forgot, female lies aren't bad at all. (sarcasm)

2.we don't like talking dirty as much as you like hearing it. - what if i don't like dirty talk? what if i think dirty talk during sex just takes away how it's supposed to be an expression of love? oh, well, then you shouldn't be talking dirty to me without me asking, and after i told you i agree with the fact that it's stupid.

3.we aren't as open about what we do in private as you are so don't ask - of course not, cause in private you're on your web cam cheating on me from a distance, right? also, on the phone with other dudes at 3 AM talking about dating each other while we're dating still and I'm here alone waiting for your phone call cause i called you 6 hours ago like you asked. so yeah, i can see why i shouldn't ask.

4.don't ask a girl about her weight, she'll freak out. - if you don't want to be asked about your weight, then stop calling yourself fat when you're not. k?

5.Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt if you hurt her. - or just jump at the chance to date her right away, after she's been saying how the guy is so much better than her asshole boyfriend, only to be told that they've been put in the friend zone forever.

6. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms. - oh really? because doing this got me labeled as "too clingy".

7: a girl will do almost ANYTHING to bring your name up in a conversation - yeah, when she's talking shit on you. girls can't resist a shit talk.

8. girls always talk about guys, like, ALWAYS. so don't even think about cheating, cause we will find out. - I've never cheated, what about you cheating? oh yeah, that's fine, i forgot. (sarcasm)

9.we don't like being called sexy or hot. calling us beautiful will always score you more points. - yes, it will score you more points until she meets 15 other guys that say the same thing, but will always go with the cutest one, no matter how far away he lives.

10. PMS: it really does make us feel like shit, so don't be grossed out by it because then it just makes us feel worse about ourselves. - if you don't want me to be grossed out, than don't tell me to have sex with you on your period, because that really is gross. you ever fucked some one's wound? me neither, but I'd imagine it's the same thing.

11. we want to be with you. it doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter when, we just want to be with you. - not if you get bored easily and only care about money. if I'm boring, can't drive, and have no money, I'm not good enough, right? i miss when love was about love..or was it ever?

12. if you kiss us in front of your friends, jackpot (: - friendship is important, if my friends don't want to see us make out, I'm not going to do so in front of them. a quick kiss is fine, but I'm not going to sit there and french kiss you in front of my friends. i don't want to see my friends do that, so I'm not going to do that to them. if i do try to kiss you while they're around though, as a quick kiss, which i said was fine, don't avoid it just because you're mad at me for not going into the puppy store and make me look like an ass.

13. if we slap you, you deserved it bitch. - really? because my ex slapped me a lot, just out of boredom. i never deserved any slap she gave me.

14. we don't mind paying for half of everything. but it makes you look like an asshole to everyone else. - then don't offer to pay when I'm broke and get pissed about it later because all you care about is your money.

15. a girl should always get three things from her boyfriend during the period of the relationship: a stuffed animal; a sweatshirt of his; a ring or a necklace, no matter how serious the relationship is. - stuffed animals got forgotten about, she denied my sweatshirt, and i was told never to get her flowers again, and if i did, she would throw them on the ground and destroy them.

16. if a guy is bothering us and we tell you. its not because were trying to piss you off, its because were scared and want you to protect us. - then why was i called "over jealous" for protecting you? also, if a guy is bothering you, don't flirt back, cause he'll keep doing it.

17. when shes texts you late at night, its because she cant get you out of her head. - or she wants to yell at you for spending your money.

18. we're very jealous, so if your talking to your girl friend ( friend that is a girl) , pull your actual girlfriend closer to you, to make her feel more important. - or make her feel uncomfortable cause she wants to look like she's in control of you in front of her friends. which means she'll tell you to get off.

19. when shes mad at you, kiss her. - tried that, got pushed onto the floor.

20. when shes not mad at you, kiss her. - tried that, got avoided

21. when shes upset, kiss her. ( do you see a pattern? ) - see 19. do YOU see a pattern?

22. DO NOT flirt with our friends or relatives, even jokingly. it pisses us off. - i didn't, but you liked to flirt with every guy that talked to you.

23. guys that smell good = hot. - not if the guy is ugly, apparently.

24. okay, seriously, NOT EVER GIRL IS GOING TO BE A SIZE 3 so learn to deal with that, and look for something more then a girl that can pull of a bikini, cause very few can. - THEN FOR FUCKS SAKE, STOP SAYING YOU'RE FAT WHEN YOU'RE NOT! i don't date girls based on if they can pull off a bikini, anyone who does, well, they seem to ALWAYS get the girl.

25. when shes upset and she puts her head on your shoulder, she wants you to put your arm around he rand tell her everything is gonna be okay. - or she wants to bite you, really hard, but sure, we can go with that.

26: when a girl bites her lip, she wants you to kiss her. - apparently not, cause that's not what she wanted, she wanted to hit me.

27. don't beat around the bush. if you want to know something, just ask us. if we don't tell you, then we don't want you to know. point blank. - aren't relationships about communication? if you don't want me to know something, it's either bad, or some kind of surprise. if it is a surprise, just say so, or don't bring anything up about it. you're not supposed to hide stuff that isn't meant to be some kind of awesome surprise from your significant other.

28.when she asks you what she should wear, its because she want you to think about her looking cute. - then don't pick the opposite of what i said you should wear, cause that makes me think you don't give a shit what i think. oh yeah, you don't.

29. girls like wearing sweats more then tight jeans and little tees so don't even judge a girl by what she wears to school. - then stop wearing that to school, wear what you want. the guys that will be true to you, are the ones that will notice you no matter what you're wearing. even if you're entire body is covered up by baggy sweats.

30. cute love letters, flowers in her locker, and surprise hugs will always score you major points. - or score you pieces of paper ripped on the floor, getting yelled at for how much you payed for the flowers, or a hard bite to the arm because "she can"

31. no matter how much of a bitch she may be, you HAVE to be nice to the best friend(s) because they are going to know your relationship inside and out. - then make up your fucking mind if you want to be that girl's friend or not, stop fighting every goddamn week.

32. if you introduce us to your friends and you're going out, you damn better call us your girlfriend or we will move on. - i do, but try introducing me as your boyfriend to the cute guy you're talking to. k?

33. when we complain about something hurting, we really mean touch me here. - or you scream at me for touching you there cause it hurt.

34. girls love when you play with their hair and touch their face. it most definitely will make a girl blush and smile. - or make her bite your hand, really hard, and complain that you messed up her hair.

35. its hard for us to trust people, but once we trust you. we honestly and truly trust you. - then show it, and don't be shady, or i won't trust you.

36. if you don't think the relationship is going anywhere, TELL US don't go and tell your friends and then break up with us. it will seriously scar us for the rest of our lives. - why not take your own advice here?

37. girls like being picked up and carried around, but BE CAREFUL. were fragile.(: - don't be offended if i can't lift you. you're a human being and I'm an out of shape fat guy.

38. girls love a guy that can make them laugh. - only as a good friend, though.

39. ex girlfriends piss us off. So if your not sure if your over them or not, don't even bother with us. - again, take your own advice here.

40.girls love it when guys comment on our eyes. it shows that your looking at us. not our boobs. - then why not date those guys instead of the ones that comment on your boobs? oh, cause that would only make sense (sarcasm).

41. don't tell us that you understand when you don't. - what if i really do? don't tell me i don't and then stop talking to me for a week.

42. when we're mad at you. we're freaking mad, so let us cool off before you say your sorry. - that's fine, but don't wait 2 fucking weeks to let me say sorry.

43. we always dream about being kissed in the rain - then let me.

44. once you tell a girl that you can play the guitar or you can sing, she will wait for the day when you preform for her and she will fall for you (: - i play the bass and i can scream, but i have written songs for girls. where have they gotten me? well let's see, I'm still single...

45. sensitivity is a good thing, but don't make us be the man in the relationship. we want someone that's gonna protect us. not someone that we're gonna have to comfort every night, we have enough insecurities of our own. - well, when i actually do have a problem, don't go all bitch mode on me for no reason and try to tell me to do this and that to fix it, when all i want is for you to listen and comfort me, chances are, i know how to fix it, i just want someone to hear me.

46. girls like guys that are spontaneous. like, if you like a girl, walk up to her and be like wow your gorgeous can i have your number, seriously it makes our day (: - or gets you a very prominent "EWWW!" followed by laughter with her friends.

47. if a girl really trusts you, she will tell you everything that's bothering her, so listen don't just tune out and ignore us, its a major thing if we tell you that stuff. - i do listen, but don't get pissed if i don't know how to help if you just want me to listen.

48. seriously, we hate when you play your xbox more then you talk to us. if you love that thing so much, date it not me. - i barely play video games, yet, the guys that ignore their girls for xbox or computer games, can keep them somehow. so, maybe you do love when they play the xbox? cause if not, you don't make any sense.

49. when a girl asks you to call her, its because she wants to fall asleep to your voice - not always.

50.if we're dating, there always has to be tension. sometime we're just gonna pick a fight with you because everything cant always be perfect, so don't take it to heart. - i am going to take it to heart, cause of there's no reason to pick a fight, then why do it? it will only start on a dark road to the relationship ending, from either me getting tired of it, or you picking so many fights, that you notice every flaw i have, every day.

51.guys, we know your competitive, but let us win every once in a while, otherwise we're gonna think your cocky and that right there is a major turn off. - actually, I'm not very competitive, but thanks.

52. girls like playing little cute games like 20 questions or what if - not if they're easily bored.

53.we really don't care as much about what a guy looks like as much as yo guys care about how a girl looks. personality is number 1. - THAT IS A FUCKING LIE AND YOU KNOW IT! I've met more girls that care about the way guys look than guys that care about a girls looks when it comes to dating. fuck you.

54. all a girl usually looks for in a guy ( physically) is a nice smile and honest eyes. - don't forget 6-pack abs, giant penis, toned body, and beautiful face.

55. girls like video games too, so don't always assume were cute little mall girls - yeah i know, sometimes so much that they end up leaving their boyfriends for guys they meet on the online play feature of said games.

56. some girls like sports too, and if you me (GIANTS FAN) and you watch a football game, shes gonna root for her team, sorry baby. - that's fine, but don't turn it into an argument just cause not everything "has to be perfect".

57. we Love being told that you were thinking about us all day - or you find it creepy and stop talking to me.

58. if a girl constantly runs her fingers through her hair, shes doing it to get your attention, some kind of sexual hint that she likes you (: - that is, if she doesn't think I'm too gross to even go near.

59. we don't like when your texting when you're with us, unless you're texting the guy next to you asking for tips, cause we do the same thing (: - then why is it okay for you to do it?

60. being nice and cute will always make a girl talk about you. always. - but will never make her date you. never.

61.don't ever lie to us and then say oh it was a test. no, that was the end of our relationship. - here's another that you need to take your own advice on.

62. don't EVER text us saying hey baby whats up? and then saying oh sorry wrong text. believe me, it has happened. - never have.

63. a girl will spend hours on her appearance, so always compliment her on it. - well then don't think I'm a creep for doing so.

64. a girl really only wants to make you happy. - or play games with your heart.

65. when a girl says, should i dye my hair or should i change my _ insert body part here_ the answer is ALWAYS " baby, your perfect the way you are" - then the response is always "nooo i'm gonna do it"

66. in my opinion, girl will only ask a guys advice if she really trusts him. - in my opinion, if that happens, you're in the friend zone.

67. There is no such thing as a shy girl after the age of 16. After that, all girls are acting. - wow, so like, stop living your life as a lie then?

68.the minute a girl decides to be with you, she's already decided that anytime you need it, she'll sacrifice anything necessary to get it to you.
Anything, anytime, anywhere. - that's a lie, and you know it.

69.always call her when you say you will, it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don’t care so call even if you can only talk for a minute. Girls don’t necessarily have to have hour long conversations every night but its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello. - i always do, but it's kind of pointless when they hit the ignore button, or just let it go to voice mail. even after i call back later.

70.If your listening to music, let her listen too. - surely, but ask me before you change the band or song, cause, it is my computer and i was listening to that, if you ask, i will because you're awesome.

71.if you DONT sleep with us, DONT tell your friends you did - i don't, but guys that do, keep you? again, tell me how this makes sense?

72. if you DID sleep with us, DONT tell your friends you did. - see 71.

73. she loves when you play with her hands - no she doesn't.

74. kissing her on the stomach will always make her smile - or hit you.

75. whisper "iloveyou" in her ear and she will be turned on. BUT DONT SAY IT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT!!! - i never say it unless i mean it.

76. when we come home from a date with you, its alwayss adorible when you text us three seconds after we get home saying " i miss you" - really? cause i was known as creepy for that.

77. okay, you knew it was coming. memorize our birthdays and call us at 12:00 . it makes a world of difference. - surely, but in return, don't tell us you want nothing for your birthday and then be pissed when you get nothing.

78. DONT EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER HIT, PUSH, SHOVE,SLAPP, OR HURT A GIRL IN ANY WAY. - yeah i never did, even though she HIT, PUSHED, SHOVED,SLAPPED, AND HURT me all the time.

79. dont be late, it hurts us alot. - same to you.

80. when you say your gonna do something, do it damnitt. - again, same to you.

81. we think about you all the time. - and 15 other guys.

82. if your sitting next to us in class and we're working on sometihing, its cute to get a note saying " hi baby (:" and it will make us smile. - and make you get in trouble.

83. girls don't always want to hang out with girls. Just because we have guy friends does not mean that we want to be with them. We probably already had the chance and didn't take it - well then don't flirt with them like you always do and lead them on. maybe then, we won't suspect anything. if they try to be with you and won't stop, cut off the ties.

84.don't expect us to make the same mistakes your ex did. if we do, it is not because there is some huge conspiracy against you. maybe youre making a mistake, not us. don't compare our mistakes to hers - i approach every relationship as something different, and it always is, always different problems. though i have met many many girls that like to lead me on. so, don't even say that's my fault.

85.we know you don't care about what happened in our day, but listen. it hurts us a lot when you don't pay attention. - actually, i do care, so, try telling me about it once.

86.We don't like to be nagged about where we are going or what we are doing either, but we usually hear you out. - we don't either, you're usually the ones nagging us.

87. we're emotional and act in mysterious ways, but you are pushing a huge button when you call us crazy. - the day your ex says "you know, i was thinking about smashing your computer monitor over your head while you were sleeping" in a serious matter, is the day when you realize that CRAZY is the perfect term for your ex.

88.girls will stare at their phone untill we get a call or text from you. - then they'll hit ignore or won't text back.

89. when we're with you, we will always try to sit/ stand next to you, just hoping for the chance to touch you in even the smallest possible way. - really? cause whenever i'm with females they usually try to be as far from me as possible, and if i go near them, it's creepy.

90. not all girls that are dancers/cheerleaders are whores, so dont assume just cuz thats our sport that we're goign to live up to the sterotype. that goes for any co corricular activity. - don't assume i'm retarded then just cause i dropped out of school and play in a band.

91. girls are suckers for little animalss, so if you have a dog, she will most likely go (: awwww. cuz it proves to us you actually have a sensitive side. dont ask me how, it just does. - what if i don't have any animals but used to and want another one?

92. we're not trying to betray you when we ask your guy friends advice on our relationship with you. they know you best, and we're probably only saying good things about you anyway - then don't get pissed at me when i do the same thing with your female friends.

93.when we go out, we dont always want to go see a movie. change it upp lets do something exciting (: - what happened to "we want to be with you no matter where it is"? yeah.

94. poetry is always a plusss(: - but gets you no where.

95. girls always jump to concluisions, so dont act innocent unless you really are.and if your not you better have a good conclusion or were gonna assume the worst - same goes for you.

96. don't make bets about us; we always find out. - who makes bets anymore about girls? oh yeah, douche bags, who are you dating? the guy that bet on you? yeah.

97. most girls are tickelish its cute when guys tickel us - or it gets you smacked.

98. no girl just wants to be your "friend with benefits". - neither do i. but you seem to be having fun with your "we're not going out but kind of are, but i can fuck other guys" guy friend, what is that? oh yeah, a friend with benefits. stop masking it.

99. its sexy when you grab our butts when you make out with us (: - not all girls think so.

100. if you wre thinking about someone while reading this, go tell them. noww stupid ! (: - i was thinking of all my past girlfriends and girls that have claimed they liked me. i'm sure some of them will see this anyways.

Introduction.

hi, my name is Richard Loser.

i have a 9th grade education, the only thing i'm good at is playing music in my band, Suburban Losers, and i still think i could do better. I am overweight, and not very good looking, which causes trouble for dating. The fact that every girl i meet rejects me for my looks has led me to believe that every girl in the entire world is shallow and only want good looking men with big penises. I am very forgettable, but chances are i will annoy the fuck out of you in the short time that you let me talk to you. If i somehow find out that i annoy you, next time i see you, i will just annoy you more. I'm not fake, i'm always me, if i'm depressed, i cover it up in public. I love to entertain, so i'll constantly be trying to tell jokes which usually end up stupid unless you get my sense of humor. The only thing i ever want to do in life is be in a successful punk rock band, though my definition of successful may be different than yours. You will someday hate me, even if it's just for a moment. I'm usually uninvited, and ignored. Everyone who talks to me, eventually loses interest in what i have to say. I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. Music is the only thing that keeps me from blowing my brains out, if i didn't have music, i would have committed suicide when i was 15. I'm Straight Edge, i've been since i was 16, anything you've heard that involves me breaking Edge, is not true. I respect anyone who respects me, so if you do drugs, drink, and smoke, just don't judge me and i won't judge you, because believe it or not, i am very open minded. Everything is funny to me, i have the ability to make a joke even out of the most negative situations, so, i'm good to have around if you have a dark sense of humor. I like to text, so when we first meet, i'll probably ask for your number. I also enjoy late night phone conversations with girls, but they don't happen anymore. I'm extremely opinionated when it comes to anything. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Pro Wrestling, i have been a fan since i was 2 years old, i know almost everything about it. It's hard for me to find anything good about myself, but when i do, i'm modest. If you tell me anything good about myself, i'll probably shoot it down with what i think is the truth about me. I'm hard to understand, if you understand me, i love you. I like Punk Rock and all forms of it, same with Ska, sometimes i'll listen to something other than those things. My biggest Bass Guitar influences are Fat Mike, Brendan Kelly, and Dan Andriano. My biggest vocal influences are Tom Gabel, Brendan Kelly, and Jason Shevchuck. My biggest songwriting influences are Matt Skiba, Dan Andriano, Brendan Kelly, Chris McCaughan, Tom Gabel, and Ben Weasel. Chances are, we won't have much in common, or will have very little in common. I don't trust people easily, but i will open up to someone who lets me. I used to give out second and third chances, but now, it's getting harder to everyday. I want to go on tour, get our record released, and meet a girl who will accept me, more than anything else right now. I am into Comics and know more about them than i should. I will more than likely talk about stuff that you could care less about, but i'll keep talking. I love to bitch about inaccuracies in comic book movies. I also love to bitch about how the WWE was better as the WWF and how the Monday Night Wars were the best period in Pro Wrestling history and i want them back. My friends, Jason Failure, Alex Exiled, are not my friends at all, they're my brothers, my family, without them, i'm nothing. Any girl who wants to date me must know, if you date me, you WILL deal with my brothers, if you don't like them, don't date me. Don Kern is my real blood brother and is responsible for my drive in music, and the reason i started playing the Bass Guitar, Thank You Don, without you, i am also nothing. I care more about other people than i do myself, but, i have very good hygiene. I am probably one of the sweetest, nicest guys you'll ever meet, once you get to know me, no that's not cocky, it's true. If you're my girlfriend, i'll try my hardest to make you feel like the most beautiful person in the world. If you choose to talk to me and get to know me, this is what you're in for. Take it, or leave it.

i am Richard Loser, and this is me, if you don't like it, don't talk to me.

Stay True

xXx.

It's About Time...

well folks, folk, er, who am i kidding, i'm talking to nobody! anyways, it's about time i get serious and get rid of all this fat, there is no way i am living through my twenties looking like this, if i ever want to find a nice girl, she has to see the inner me, and in order for her to do that, i must be attractive (see 2 posts ago where i rant about how shallow girls can be). So say goodbye to fat me, cause hopefully by at least mid summer, i will be 20 or maybe 30 pounds skinnier, but first, i must let my tooth hole heal.

the tooth itself was a bitch to get out, took awhile, but it's out, and i needed stitches, shit. I go back next week to get them out, hopefully this doesn't effect my preformance at practice this Friday. When i don't take the pain meds, it feels like there's still a tooth there, but there's not, it's just that sore.

i started this with hopes of writing some witty shit, but eh, i've grown tired, so maybe i will next post.

Stay True.

xXx

The Hours I Don't See Anymore..Or So I Thought..

fucking shit bag in a hat, here i am once again, unable to sleep, and i've done so fucking well all week..but not tonight..you know why? Because i have to get up at AT LEAST from 7-8 AM so i have time to eat and get ready before i head to the dentist to get ANOTHER tooth pulled. That's right, another one, cause missing a night or two of brushing causes my teeth to eat themselves down to where they cause me pain. Son of a bitch. Fucking a. All that jazz...why are the simple things the most difficult things? i know, blah blah woe is me, shut the fuck up Rich, nobody wants to hear you bitch about stuff that EVERYONE goes through..oh okay, i'll shut up then.

well, here i be, wide awake, writing in a blog nobody reads, listening to music i barely ever listen to (Barenaked Ladies..yeah, i tend to listen outside of my box here and there...), i'm also tired. very tired. because i'm sitting up. when i lay down, i'm even more wide awake, how can someone be wide awake but tired? i don't know, i don't understand me as much as you don't understand me, wait, who am i talking to? i'm going to go shoot myself now, k? k. (by the way, my computer froze in the middle of that k, and it took atleast 30 seconds for it to appear, my computer enjoys doing that).

i want to tour, right now. i'm sick of this place, i need to get out, even if for only a month, i don't really have much of a reason to remain here, nobody really NEEDS me, i need them. what better way to escape than play music every night? none better, i say.

fuck.

Stay True.

xXx

Life, As It Was, As It Will Be.

ahhh hello blogosphere (gay!), i have been away from you for way too damn long..A LOT has happened since my last post..damn...a whole fucking lot. I guess i haven't typed in here for awhile cause i'm either lazy or haven't felt the need to. Tonight though, i feel the need to let shit out, get stuff off my chest, empty my mind, what have you. Let me take you through what's been going on...

I am a single man! or boy..or...man-like specimen..whatever. Amber tended to treat me like shit from time to time, made me feel down about myself, and i just started to grow tired of it, on top of that, i wasn't in love with her anymore..at least..not like i was..so i had to end it. One of the hardest fucking things i ever had to do, that's the truth. We were together for 2 and a half years, and the last girl i broke up with, i only dated for a week, usually i'm the one getting dumped, but i guess i felt the need to stand up for myself for once. So, i did, and the result? not good, i ended up getting stalked, she made a scene at my work that COULD HAVE gotten me fired, thankfully, it didn't, and now, i want nothing to do with her, and i don't want to be friends, she frightens me nowadays, and plus, i don't want someone in my life who's going to act like a psychopath towards me and possibly fuck up any relationships i could start with other girls. So, that's the end of that.

Suburban Losers is doing amazing, pretty much the only thing keeping me going in this fucked up world is my bandmates/brothers, and our music. We recorded our first full length at Akdar Studios, and it sounds fucking amazing, PLUS we're in talks with Overdose On Records about releasing it, how fucking cool is that?! Overdose is run by Justin Enemy from Common Enemy, if you didn't know, plus some other cool dudes who have recently started helping out, including Mikey from Alive In The Moment (amazing band!) and Justin's brother Devin, the drummer from Common Enemy, awesome dudes for sure. They've been helping us a whole fucking lot, and we're extremely appreciative of their help. The record is titled Never Going Home and it has 15 tracks (and a secret track!), it's been recorded and mixed, which we had a great time doing, and now we need money to get it mastered, any info beyond that, i am restricted to tell publically so you will have to wait :) Also, we will be heading out on tour with our friend Joe Penn's band My Kill Plot, it's going to be our first tour! it's not in support of the record since the record is no where near being released yet, but it's going to help with the release of the record. Tour dates will be posted on this blog and everywhere else we can post them when it happens, so stay tuned!

now onto personal shit, i won't get into too much detail, since some people might read this, but females confuse the fuck out of me. Is there any girl out there who is NORMAL? wait, scratch that, maybe you're all normal, you just see how ugly i am, and dispite how amazing i'll treat you, and how awesome i am (no, not conceited, just confident), you won't be able to see that because you only want cute, skinny/athetic studmuffins with a big ego and the ability to buy you whatever you want, right? pfft, and they say GUYS are shallow, at least some of us know how to see through the surface. Don't get me wrong, i do agree you have to be attracted to the person you're with, looks and personality wise, but come on..wait, scratch all that, it's true, you have to be attracted to the person your with, in which case, i will have no luck in finding the girl who's meant for me because the girls i'm attracted to, in looks and personality, will not be attracted to a fat, ugly, annoying retard such as myself, fuckshit. Oh well, i'm in a band! so FUCK YOU ALL! You wanna see through my grossness? talk to me, i'm done trying.

anywho...i hate work, but i'm getting more hours, so that's cool moneywise, but serious fuck that place, i can't wait to get out and go on tour.

well that's all for today fuckfaces...til next time!

Stay True.

xXx