Ladies: Don't Take This The Wrong Way.

so, i was on facebook, reading "100 things guys don't notice about girls", and you know what's funny? i have tried EVERY GODDAMN ONE of these things for my past girlfriends, and you're about to see what i got in return. Girls, please don't take this as a "i hate all women and I'm a sexist" thing, it's merely showing you that if you want these things from your boy, appreciate them, or they'll later post a blog about you and how they lost faith in girls because of the denial. I'm sure every dude in my boat right now could easily contradict these with their own experiences, and if you can, please do :) also, if there is a girl that can prove my contradictions wrong and actually doesn't take their boy for granted, let me know.

well, here it goes...

1.a girl will always. always.always. find out if you lie, so don't do it. - what about your lies? oh yeah, i forgot, female lies aren't bad at all. (sarcasm)

2.we don't like talking dirty as much as you like hearing it. - what if i don't like dirty talk? what if i think dirty talk during sex just takes away how it's supposed to be an expression of love? oh, well, then you shouldn't be talking dirty to me without me asking, and after i told you i agree with the fact that it's stupid.

3.we aren't as open about what we do in private as you are so don't ask - of course not, cause in private you're on your web cam cheating on me from a distance, right? also, on the phone with other dudes at 3 AM talking about dating each other while we're dating still and I'm here alone waiting for your phone call cause i called you 6 hours ago like you asked. so yeah, i can see why i shouldn't ask.

4.don't ask a girl about her weight, she'll freak out. - if you don't want to be asked about your weight, then stop calling yourself fat when you're not. k?

5.Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt if you hurt her. - or just jump at the chance to date her right away, after she's been saying how the guy is so much better than her asshole boyfriend, only to be told that they've been put in the friend zone forever.

6. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms. - oh really? because doing this got me labeled as "too clingy".

7: a girl will do almost ANYTHING to bring your name up in a conversation - yeah, when she's talking shit on you. girls can't resist a shit talk.

8. girls always talk about guys, like, ALWAYS. so don't even think about cheating, cause we will find out. - I've never cheated, what about you cheating? oh yeah, that's fine, i forgot. (sarcasm)

9.we don't like being called sexy or hot. calling us beautiful will always score you more points. - yes, it will score you more points until she meets 15 other guys that say the same thing, but will always go with the cutest one, no matter how far away he lives.

10. PMS: it really does make us feel like shit, so don't be grossed out by it because then it just makes us feel worse about ourselves. - if you don't want me to be grossed out, than don't tell me to have sex with you on your period, because that really is gross. you ever fucked some one's wound? me neither, but I'd imagine it's the same thing.

11. we want to be with you. it doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter when, we just want to be with you. - not if you get bored easily and only care about money. if I'm boring, can't drive, and have no money, I'm not good enough, right? i miss when love was about love..or was it ever?

12. if you kiss us in front of your friends, jackpot (: - friendship is important, if my friends don't want to see us make out, I'm not going to do so in front of them. a quick kiss is fine, but I'm not going to sit there and french kiss you in front of my friends. i don't want to see my friends do that, so I'm not going to do that to them. if i do try to kiss you while they're around though, as a quick kiss, which i said was fine, don't avoid it just because you're mad at me for not going into the puppy store and make me look like an ass.

13. if we slap you, you deserved it bitch. - really? because my ex slapped me a lot, just out of boredom. i never deserved any slap she gave me.

14. we don't mind paying for half of everything. but it makes you look like an asshole to everyone else. - then don't offer to pay when I'm broke and get pissed about it later because all you care about is your money.

15. a girl should always get three things from her boyfriend during the period of the relationship: a stuffed animal; a sweatshirt of his; a ring or a necklace, no matter how serious the relationship is. - stuffed animals got forgotten about, she denied my sweatshirt, and i was told never to get her flowers again, and if i did, she would throw them on the ground and destroy them.

16. if a guy is bothering us and we tell you. its not because were trying to piss you off, its because were scared and want you to protect us. - then why was i called "over jealous" for protecting you? also, if a guy is bothering you, don't flirt back, cause he'll keep doing it.

17. when shes texts you late at night, its because she cant get you out of her head. - or she wants to yell at you for spending your money.

18. we're very jealous, so if your talking to your girl friend ( friend that is a girl) , pull your actual girlfriend closer to you, to make her feel more important. - or make her feel uncomfortable cause she wants to look like she's in control of you in front of her friends. which means she'll tell you to get off.

19. when shes mad at you, kiss her. - tried that, got pushed onto the floor.

20. when shes not mad at you, kiss her. - tried that, got avoided

21. when shes upset, kiss her. ( do you see a pattern? ) - see 19. do YOU see a pattern?

22. DO NOT flirt with our friends or relatives, even jokingly. it pisses us off. - i didn't, but you liked to flirt with every guy that talked to you.

23. guys that smell good = hot. - not if the guy is ugly, apparently.

24. okay, seriously, NOT EVER GIRL IS GOING TO BE A SIZE 3 so learn to deal with that, and look for something more then a girl that can pull of a bikini, cause very few can. - THEN FOR FUCKS SAKE, STOP SAYING YOU'RE FAT WHEN YOU'RE NOT! i don't date girls based on if they can pull off a bikini, anyone who does, well, they seem to ALWAYS get the girl.

25. when shes upset and she puts her head on your shoulder, she wants you to put your arm around he rand tell her everything is gonna be okay. - or she wants to bite you, really hard, but sure, we can go with that.

26: when a girl bites her lip, she wants you to kiss her. - apparently not, cause that's not what she wanted, she wanted to hit me.

27. don't beat around the bush. if you want to know something, just ask us. if we don't tell you, then we don't want you to know. point blank. - aren't relationships about communication? if you don't want me to know something, it's either bad, or some kind of surprise. if it is a surprise, just say so, or don't bring anything up about it. you're not supposed to hide stuff that isn't meant to be some kind of awesome surprise from your significant other.

28.when she asks you what she should wear, its because she want you to think about her looking cute. - then don't pick the opposite of what i said you should wear, cause that makes me think you don't give a shit what i think. oh yeah, you don't.

29. girls like wearing sweats more then tight jeans and little tees so don't even judge a girl by what she wears to school. - then stop wearing that to school, wear what you want. the guys that will be true to you, are the ones that will notice you no matter what you're wearing. even if you're entire body is covered up by baggy sweats.

30. cute love letters, flowers in her locker, and surprise hugs will always score you major points. - or score you pieces of paper ripped on the floor, getting yelled at for how much you payed for the flowers, or a hard bite to the arm because "she can"

31. no matter how much of a bitch she may be, you HAVE to be nice to the best friend(s) because they are going to know your relationship inside and out. - then make up your fucking mind if you want to be that girl's friend or not, stop fighting every goddamn week.

32. if you introduce us to your friends and you're going out, you damn better call us your girlfriend or we will move on. - i do, but try introducing me as your boyfriend to the cute guy you're talking to. k?

33. when we complain about something hurting, we really mean touch me here. - or you scream at me for touching you there cause it hurt.

34. girls love when you play with their hair and touch their face. it most definitely will make a girl blush and smile. - or make her bite your hand, really hard, and complain that you messed up her hair.

35. its hard for us to trust people, but once we trust you. we honestly and truly trust you. - then show it, and don't be shady, or i won't trust you.

36. if you don't think the relationship is going anywhere, TELL US don't go and tell your friends and then break up with us. it will seriously scar us for the rest of our lives. - why not take your own advice here?

37. girls like being picked up and carried around, but BE CAREFUL. were fragile.(: - don't be offended if i can't lift you. you're a human being and I'm an out of shape fat guy.

38. girls love a guy that can make them laugh. - only as a good friend, though.

39. ex girlfriends piss us off. So if your not sure if your over them or not, don't even bother with us. - again, take your own advice here.

40.girls love it when guys comment on our eyes. it shows that your looking at us. not our boobs. - then why not date those guys instead of the ones that comment on your boobs? oh, cause that would only make sense (sarcasm).

41. don't tell us that you understand when you don't. - what if i really do? don't tell me i don't and then stop talking to me for a week.

42. when we're mad at you. we're freaking mad, so let us cool off before you say your sorry. - that's fine, but don't wait 2 fucking weeks to let me say sorry.

43. we always dream about being kissed in the rain - then let me.

44. once you tell a girl that you can play the guitar or you can sing, she will wait for the day when you preform for her and she will fall for you (: - i play the bass and i can scream, but i have written songs for girls. where have they gotten me? well let's see, I'm still single...

45. sensitivity is a good thing, but don't make us be the man in the relationship. we want someone that's gonna protect us. not someone that we're gonna have to comfort every night, we have enough insecurities of our own. - well, when i actually do have a problem, don't go all bitch mode on me for no reason and try to tell me to do this and that to fix it, when all i want is for you to listen and comfort me, chances are, i know how to fix it, i just want someone to hear me.

46. girls like guys that are spontaneous. like, if you like a girl, walk up to her and be like wow your gorgeous can i have your number, seriously it makes our day (: - or gets you a very prominent "EWWW!" followed by laughter with her friends.

47. if a girl really trusts you, she will tell you everything that's bothering her, so listen don't just tune out and ignore us, its a major thing if we tell you that stuff. - i do listen, but don't get pissed if i don't know how to help if you just want me to listen.

48. seriously, we hate when you play your xbox more then you talk to us. if you love that thing so much, date it not me. - i barely play video games, yet, the guys that ignore their girls for xbox or computer games, can keep them somehow. so, maybe you do love when they play the xbox? cause if not, you don't make any sense.

49. when a girl asks you to call her, its because she wants to fall asleep to your voice - not always.

50.if we're dating, there always has to be tension. sometime we're just gonna pick a fight with you because everything cant always be perfect, so don't take it to heart. - i am going to take it to heart, cause of there's no reason to pick a fight, then why do it? it will only start on a dark road to the relationship ending, from either me getting tired of it, or you picking so many fights, that you notice every flaw i have, every day.

51.guys, we know your competitive, but let us win every once in a while, otherwise we're gonna think your cocky and that right there is a major turn off. - actually, I'm not very competitive, but thanks.

52. girls like playing little cute games like 20 questions or what if - not if they're easily bored.

53.we really don't care as much about what a guy looks like as much as yo guys care about how a girl looks. personality is number 1. - THAT IS A FUCKING LIE AND YOU KNOW IT! I've met more girls that care about the way guys look than guys that care about a girls looks when it comes to dating. fuck you.

54. all a girl usually looks for in a guy ( physically) is a nice smile and honest eyes. - don't forget 6-pack abs, giant penis, toned body, and beautiful face.

55. girls like video games too, so don't always assume were cute little mall girls - yeah i know, sometimes so much that they end up leaving their boyfriends for guys they meet on the online play feature of said games.

56. some girls like sports too, and if you me (GIANTS FAN) and you watch a football game, shes gonna root for her team, sorry baby. - that's fine, but don't turn it into an argument just cause not everything "has to be perfect".

57. we Love being told that you were thinking about us all day - or you find it creepy and stop talking to me.

58. if a girl constantly runs her fingers through her hair, shes doing it to get your attention, some kind of sexual hint that she likes you (: - that is, if she doesn't think I'm too gross to even go near.

59. we don't like when your texting when you're with us, unless you're texting the guy next to you asking for tips, cause we do the same thing (: - then why is it okay for you to do it?

60. being nice and cute will always make a girl talk about you. always. - but will never make her date you. never.

61.don't ever lie to us and then say oh it was a test. no, that was the end of our relationship. - here's another that you need to take your own advice on.

62. don't EVER text us saying hey baby whats up? and then saying oh sorry wrong text. believe me, it has happened. - never have.

63. a girl will spend hours on her appearance, so always compliment her on it. - well then don't think I'm a creep for doing so.

64. a girl really only wants to make you happy. - or play games with your heart.

65. when a girl says, should i dye my hair or should i change my _ insert body part here_ the answer is ALWAYS " baby, your perfect the way you are" - then the response is always "nooo i'm gonna do it"

66. in my opinion, girl will only ask a guys advice if she really trusts him. - in my opinion, if that happens, you're in the friend zone.

67. There is no such thing as a shy girl after the age of 16. After that, all girls are acting. - wow, so like, stop living your life as a lie then?

68.the minute a girl decides to be with you, she's already decided that anytime you need it, she'll sacrifice anything necessary to get it to you.
Anything, anytime, anywhere. - that's a lie, and you know it.

69.always call her when you say you will, it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don’t care so call even if you can only talk for a minute. Girls don’t necessarily have to have hour long conversations every night but its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello. - i always do, but it's kind of pointless when they hit the ignore button, or just let it go to voice mail. even after i call back later.

70.If your listening to music, let her listen too. - surely, but ask me before you change the band or song, cause, it is my computer and i was listening to that, if you ask, i will because you're awesome.

71.if you DONT sleep with us, DONT tell your friends you did - i don't, but guys that do, keep you? again, tell me how this makes sense?

72. if you DID sleep with us, DONT tell your friends you did. - see 71.

73. she loves when you play with her hands - no she doesn't.

74. kissing her on the stomach will always make her smile - or hit you.

75. whisper "iloveyou" in her ear and she will be turned on. BUT DONT SAY IT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT!!! - i never say it unless i mean it.

76. when we come home from a date with you, its alwayss adorible when you text us three seconds after we get home saying " i miss you" - really? cause i was known as creepy for that.

77. okay, you knew it was coming. memorize our birthdays and call us at 12:00 . it makes a world of difference. - surely, but in return, don't tell us you want nothing for your birthday and then be pissed when you get nothing.

78. DONT EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER HIT, PUSH, SHOVE,SLAPP, OR HURT A GIRL IN ANY WAY. - yeah i never did, even though she HIT, PUSHED, SHOVED,SLAPPED, AND HURT me all the time.

79. dont be late, it hurts us alot. - same to you.

80. when you say your gonna do something, do it damnitt. - again, same to you.

81. we think about you all the time. - and 15 other guys.

82. if your sitting next to us in class and we're working on sometihing, its cute to get a note saying " hi baby (:" and it will make us smile. - and make you get in trouble.

83. girls don't always want to hang out with girls. Just because we have guy friends does not mean that we want to be with them. We probably already had the chance and didn't take it - well then don't flirt with them like you always do and lead them on. maybe then, we won't suspect anything. if they try to be with you and won't stop, cut off the ties.

84.don't expect us to make the same mistakes your ex did. if we do, it is not because there is some huge conspiracy against you. maybe youre making a mistake, not us. don't compare our mistakes to hers - i approach every relationship as something different, and it always is, always different problems. though i have met many many girls that like to lead me on. so, don't even say that's my fault.

85.we know you don't care about what happened in our day, but listen. it hurts us a lot when you don't pay attention. - actually, i do care, so, try telling me about it once.

86.We don't like to be nagged about where we are going or what we are doing either, but we usually hear you out. - we don't either, you're usually the ones nagging us.

87. we're emotional and act in mysterious ways, but you are pushing a huge button when you call us crazy. - the day your ex says "you know, i was thinking about smashing your computer monitor over your head while you were sleeping" in a serious matter, is the day when you realize that CRAZY is the perfect term for your ex.

88.girls will stare at their phone untill we get a call or text from you. - then they'll hit ignore or won't text back.

89. when we're with you, we will always try to sit/ stand next to you, just hoping for the chance to touch you in even the smallest possible way. - really? cause whenever i'm with females they usually try to be as far from me as possible, and if i go near them, it's creepy.

90. not all girls that are dancers/cheerleaders are whores, so dont assume just cuz thats our sport that we're goign to live up to the sterotype. that goes for any co corricular activity. - don't assume i'm retarded then just cause i dropped out of school and play in a band.

91. girls are suckers for little animalss, so if you have a dog, she will most likely go (: awwww. cuz it proves to us you actually have a sensitive side. dont ask me how, it just does. - what if i don't have any animals but used to and want another one?

92. we're not trying to betray you when we ask your guy friends advice on our relationship with you. they know you best, and we're probably only saying good things about you anyway - then don't get pissed at me when i do the same thing with your female friends.

93.when we go out, we dont always want to go see a movie. change it upp lets do something exciting (: - what happened to "we want to be with you no matter where it is"? yeah.

94. poetry is always a plusss(: - but gets you no where.

95. girls always jump to concluisions, so dont act innocent unless you really are.and if your not you better have a good conclusion or were gonna assume the worst - same goes for you.

96. don't make bets about us; we always find out. - who makes bets anymore about girls? oh yeah, douche bags, who are you dating? the guy that bet on you? yeah.

97. most girls are tickelish its cute when guys tickel us - or it gets you smacked.

98. no girl just wants to be your "friend with benefits". - neither do i. but you seem to be having fun with your "we're not going out but kind of are, but i can fuck other guys" guy friend, what is that? oh yeah, a friend with benefits. stop masking it.

99. its sexy when you grab our butts when you make out with us (: - not all girls think so.

100. if you wre thinking about someone while reading this, go tell them. noww stupid ! (: - i was thinking of all my past girlfriends and girls that have claimed they liked me. i'm sure some of them will see this anyways.