Good Morning everyone! or is it night? i don't know.
I think I've decided on a name for my acoustic side project. I have chosen What We've Worked For, which is taken directly from the Against Me! song "What We Worked For" only adding the 've to "We", which means "Have" so in full, What We Have Worked For, but that's ridiculous, What We've Worked For sounds better, not to mention the acronym which is WWWF, old school wrestling fans will find that humorous, i hope i don't get sued! Next step is writing songs, i have learned another song today, "Those Anarcho Punks Are Mysterious" by Against Me!, amazing song from 2 amazing records "The Acoustic EP" and "Reinventing Axl Rose" check those records out if you haven't heard em already. Again I'd like to clarify that Suburban Losers remains my first musical priority. These side projects are merely to keep me busy while at home alone. Though, that doesn't mean i won't record, play shows, tour, all the fun stuff, yanno? It's just, if Suburban Losers takes off, or we get our damn record out, I'm willing to drop the side projects for the time being until SL gets some down time.
The reason for picking the name based off of the Against Me! song is simple, the lyrics to that song have always described my journey as a "musician". For those that don't know, here are the lyrics:
I lost the confidence to write a song,
so i found three simple chords and I held them together with my weak voice on an out-of-tune guitar my father gave to me.
May Elvis turn in his grave and Les Paul curse my dirty calloused fingers. May the likes of this song never make one fucking dollar,
leave it for a demo tape to be played until it's broken
then remembered only for what it was...
that we gave 'em hell.
To my friends and enemies who could have been anything,
titans and heroes who found survival in cause and effect.
Behind counters, behind windows, striving just to be people
with bitter ideals of justice.
Do we only need to keep working because it pays rent?
Sleeping under plastic stars glued to a ceiling,
muscles burning alcohol and nicotine every morning...
but we gave them hell
There's a height beyond skyscrapers, there's a distance beyond the freeway.
More than pictures in a magazine, more than tragedy in a rock and roll song.
It's more than the actions you know it's safe to make,
It's more than money could ever buy.
Are we living to work and die in american cities,
working to live and die in american cities, and dying for what we worked.
Stay True.
xLOSERx
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
It's Been Nice Waking Up Next To...You?
i can't remember the last time i wrote a blog two days in a row...hmmm...well with how things are going lately, i would probably suspect more blogs out of me.
i found out some terrible news today, i will not make public what it is just yet, but, if you are a close friend of mine, you either already know, or are going to know as soon as we talk again. Point is, it's been worrying me since i found out, sleep will not come easy tonight, but does it ever?
My progression with guitar seems to be going better than expected. I learned a song today and finally figured out guitar tabs, which, next to bass tabs, look like a jumble of numbers. I learned Matt Skiba's "Next To You" from his split with Kevin Seconds, amazing record, check it out. That's one song I'll probably cover during shows or on an EP for this unnamed acoustic project. I was also debating whether i should write a whole new batch of lyrics or sift through the unused Suburban Losers lyrics i have been writing for the past couple months and separate the ones i really wanna use for Losers from the ones i wanna use for the acoustic stuff. I figure I'll worry about that when the time comes to begin writing songs. I figure that I'll be spending most of my home alone time working on this project, which is a better deal than sitting here with my mind on overdrive and remembering everything that i hate about myself and the world. Instead I'll just put it into songs, not like i haven't been doing that all along anyways.
Work has been worrying me too, they called me in twice and i feel bad because the first time i couldn't cause i had practice, and the second time it's because there was no gas to get me down there. It sucks living 30 minutes away from my job, but i love my Hot Topic job a lot, i won't be quitting. I just hope that they don't see me as unreliable now, and i also hope that my hours for Saturday have stayed intact. So i guess it's not work itself that is worrying me, it's how they see me as an employee now that has been worrying me.
I miss talking to a few people, everyone is busy these days, it sucks. Hopefully soon I'll be as busy as them, or maybe even busier than them.
i have actually grown tired, like, really tired, and there's nobody talking to me right now, so i may just lay down and hope sleep comes.
Stay True.
xLOSERx
i found out some terrible news today, i will not make public what it is just yet, but, if you are a close friend of mine, you either already know, or are going to know as soon as we talk again. Point is, it's been worrying me since i found out, sleep will not come easy tonight, but does it ever?
My progression with guitar seems to be going better than expected. I learned a song today and finally figured out guitar tabs, which, next to bass tabs, look like a jumble of numbers. I learned Matt Skiba's "Next To You" from his split with Kevin Seconds, amazing record, check it out. That's one song I'll probably cover during shows or on an EP for this unnamed acoustic project. I was also debating whether i should write a whole new batch of lyrics or sift through the unused Suburban Losers lyrics i have been writing for the past couple months and separate the ones i really wanna use for Losers from the ones i wanna use for the acoustic stuff. I figure I'll worry about that when the time comes to begin writing songs. I figure that I'll be spending most of my home alone time working on this project, which is a better deal than sitting here with my mind on overdrive and remembering everything that i hate about myself and the world. Instead I'll just put it into songs, not like i haven't been doing that all along anyways.
Work has been worrying me too, they called me in twice and i feel bad because the first time i couldn't cause i had practice, and the second time it's because there was no gas to get me down there. It sucks living 30 minutes away from my job, but i love my Hot Topic job a lot, i won't be quitting. I just hope that they don't see me as unreliable now, and i also hope that my hours for Saturday have stayed intact. So i guess it's not work itself that is worrying me, it's how they see me as an employee now that has been worrying me.
I miss talking to a few people, everyone is busy these days, it sucks. Hopefully soon I'll be as busy as them, or maybe even busier than them.
i have actually grown tired, like, really tired, and there's nobody talking to me right now, so i may just lay down and hope sleep comes.
Stay True.
xLOSERx
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Hot Pockets!
ah, so here we are again, blog-o-sphere, i am your host, Richard Loser, and i am more insane than I've ever been.
Things have been quite hectic lately, hours increased at work, still clawing up the wall that leads to the mastering of the first full length Suburban Losers record, all while getting no help. I'm going to have to sell some shit in order to reach $530 for the initial mastering, then who the hell knows what we're going to do for pressing, i guess we'll worry about that when the time comes. My green Dean Zone bass, which i have dubbed Zoey, is pretty much working for the time being, after cutting out for most of our set at our first Skate IT show, leaving me to use my black Ibanez Soundgear bass which i call Darth Vader (and may be sold soon) at the Hamburg Park, playing to a weak crowd of about 20 at the most, with about 6 or 7 kids keeping interest in the hour long set we were supposed to play, which only ending up being about 40 minutes, but it doesn't matter, cause it was a disaster for my left hand, which was in a constant cramp, my right hand, which kept hitting one of the 3 pickups that Vader has, and the band itself, who pissed off the old people running the show because of a few inappropriate comments made by members of said band (us, duh). The kids didn't seem to mind though, so, whatever. I am just happy to now have Zoey back in my arms, and hopefully forever this time.
So, i think i have found a cure for being lonely all the time, i have decided to fill the void of my empty heart with several musical projects. Not only do i have my main focus, Suburban Losers, but i am going to try out for my friend Bobby's 3 piece punk band he's starting called Johnny Power. I will be trying out for drums, believe it or not, I've only had a small experience with drums in the past, but i have enough confidence in myself to do a good job, here's hoping i do. Also, i have taken up guitar, for real this time, i am borrowing Jason's acoustic guitar. Hopefully, when i get good enough, i will begin an acoustic project which will remain unnamed for now. It will not be a solo project, but more so, a chance for me to be creative with music in a different way, a chance for me to really let my folk punk influences out, which is the style I'm going to be going after. Simple chords, angry vocals, songs of anger, rebellion, and overcoming heartache in the most cynical ways possible. How is this not a solo project you ask? Well, even though my ideas will be the root of the project, i have no issue in collaborating, and Jason has agreed to help on drums and bass if necessary, I'm sure Cody won't mind collaborating either, despite his own solo acoustic stuff he's working on. Offers are welcome to musicians outside of Suburban Losers to come and jam with me as well, that is, once i get this off the ground. My main focus will always be Suburban Losers, of course, but during our non writing periods, it will be nice to still express myself through writing and developing music. Hell, some of the songs i write may end up in Suburban Losers anyways, but i pretty much know the direction I'm going in with my half of the writing in SL, so we'll see what happens. Hopefully this will fill the void and make me forget about the constant rejection.
I have recently become addicted to Hot Pockets, hey, at least it's not drugs, right?
until next time.
Stay True.
xLOSERx
Things have been quite hectic lately, hours increased at work, still clawing up the wall that leads to the mastering of the first full length Suburban Losers record, all while getting no help. I'm going to have to sell some shit in order to reach $530 for the initial mastering, then who the hell knows what we're going to do for pressing, i guess we'll worry about that when the time comes. My green Dean Zone bass, which i have dubbed Zoey, is pretty much working for the time being, after cutting out for most of our set at our first Skate IT show, leaving me to use my black Ibanez Soundgear bass which i call Darth Vader (and may be sold soon) at the Hamburg Park, playing to a weak crowd of about 20 at the most, with about 6 or 7 kids keeping interest in the hour long set we were supposed to play, which only ending up being about 40 minutes, but it doesn't matter, cause it was a disaster for my left hand, which was in a constant cramp, my right hand, which kept hitting one of the 3 pickups that Vader has, and the band itself, who pissed off the old people running the show because of a few inappropriate comments made by members of said band (us, duh). The kids didn't seem to mind though, so, whatever. I am just happy to now have Zoey back in my arms, and hopefully forever this time.
So, i think i have found a cure for being lonely all the time, i have decided to fill the void of my empty heart with several musical projects. Not only do i have my main focus, Suburban Losers, but i am going to try out for my friend Bobby's 3 piece punk band he's starting called Johnny Power. I will be trying out for drums, believe it or not, I've only had a small experience with drums in the past, but i have enough confidence in myself to do a good job, here's hoping i do. Also, i have taken up guitar, for real this time, i am borrowing Jason's acoustic guitar. Hopefully, when i get good enough, i will begin an acoustic project which will remain unnamed for now. It will not be a solo project, but more so, a chance for me to be creative with music in a different way, a chance for me to really let my folk punk influences out, which is the style I'm going to be going after. Simple chords, angry vocals, songs of anger, rebellion, and overcoming heartache in the most cynical ways possible. How is this not a solo project you ask? Well, even though my ideas will be the root of the project, i have no issue in collaborating, and Jason has agreed to help on drums and bass if necessary, I'm sure Cody won't mind collaborating either, despite his own solo acoustic stuff he's working on. Offers are welcome to musicians outside of Suburban Losers to come and jam with me as well, that is, once i get this off the ground. My main focus will always be Suburban Losers, of course, but during our non writing periods, it will be nice to still express myself through writing and developing music. Hell, some of the songs i write may end up in Suburban Losers anyways, but i pretty much know the direction I'm going in with my half of the writing in SL, so we'll see what happens. Hopefully this will fill the void and make me forget about the constant rejection.
I have recently become addicted to Hot Pockets, hey, at least it's not drugs, right?
until next time.
Stay True.
xLOSERx
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Public Service Announcement.
alright, so i just want to make a few things clear about myself. first off, this blog is being done simply because of the fact that at this very moment in time, i have no other anger outlet, and it needs to all come out in order for me to have a peaceful night. usually, i couldn't give a shit what stupid people think about me, but at this point in time, i have been ignored one too many times, called a "creep" one too many times, and treated like an expired milk carton one too many times. this is the end of it, read on if you'd like to stop judging me.
first thing to address here, i AM NOT ACTUALLY ATTRACTED TO GIRLS UNDER 17/18 YEARS OLD. if you take any of my jokes seriously, you are A FUCKING RETARD and need to get a sense of humor, or actually get to know me and figure out that i'm telling a joke. in my opinion, age doesn't necessarily matter in a relationship, as long as one isn't a CHILD, but i would not date someone too young for me, because i am 21 years old, and would get in trouble. not to mention, someone who is 15/16 years old, could change entirely by the time they are 18. it's just common sense people, and just because i am FRIENDS, wait, let me say that again so that you IGNORANT FUCKS can understand this, JUST BECAUSE I AM FRIENDS with a girl who is 15 or 16 years old does not mean that i am DATING OR FUCKING THEM, so the sooner you get it through your THICK skulls that ANYONE can be friends with ANYONE, the sooner we will be near a peaceful world. also, the next person that calls me a CREEP, CREEPY, CREEPER, or any other form of the word in a SERIOUS NON JOKING MANNER, i will go out of my way to find the address of the nearest sex offender, knock you out, tie you up, and drop you off at their house. so, when you wake up to some 54 year old dude shooting his seed in your eye while singing the theme song to Different Strokes, then maybe you'll reconsider your definition of CREEPY.
secondly, if you are a female and i am super nice to you out of nowhere, trying to help you out when i see you're down, even though we've never met, DO NOT take it as an evil plot to get into your pants, cause i FUCKING ASSURE YOU THAT IT IS NOT AN EVIL PLOT. the ONLY reason i am nice to ANYONE who i've never met before and try to help them is because there are TOO MANY assholes in the world who would rather see everyone suffer, so i take it upon myself to be as nice as humanly possible to random people so i can prove in some way or another that there are GOOD PEOPLE in the world and i care about everyone. i'm willing to help out whoever when they are down because i have been there before and it is not a good place to be FOR ANYONE. thankfully there are people who have noticed my kind gestures and are now friends of mine, instead of thinking i'm a secret rapist who is helping you with your issues just to get a blow job, FUCK YOU if you think that.
and finally, BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE to the fucking BITCHES that decide they're too good for me after pretending they like me for months. how many times has this happened now? oh lord, i LOST COUNT. also, to anyone that talked to me ONCE and when i say we should talk more, TURN ON THE IGNORE SWITCH AND WON'T GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EVEN BE FRIENDS. just because i say you're PRETTY doesn't mean i'm going to RAPE you, stop being so goddamn paranoid and actually GET TO KNOW ME instead of JUDGING ME. you're so AWESOME when you laugh about ignoring a boy you think is ugly right? or when he tried to talk to you and is being nice and you decide, "oh he's gross why is he talking to me?" when that boy did nothing to you that would make you hate him. FUCK YOU. go back to talking to every guy that asks you out every 10 minutes or asked to come over and fuck every day or better yet, how about the guy that used to BEAT you? yeah! he's cool right?! once again, FUCK YOU.
i am done now, and i will go back to not giving a shit about these ASSHOLES.
Stay True.
xXx.
first thing to address here, i AM NOT ACTUALLY ATTRACTED TO GIRLS UNDER 17/18 YEARS OLD. if you take any of my jokes seriously, you are A FUCKING RETARD and need to get a sense of humor, or actually get to know me and figure out that i'm telling a joke. in my opinion, age doesn't necessarily matter in a relationship, as long as one isn't a CHILD, but i would not date someone too young for me, because i am 21 years old, and would get in trouble. not to mention, someone who is 15/16 years old, could change entirely by the time they are 18. it's just common sense people, and just because i am FRIENDS, wait, let me say that again so that you IGNORANT FUCKS can understand this, JUST BECAUSE I AM FRIENDS with a girl who is 15 or 16 years old does not mean that i am DATING OR FUCKING THEM, so the sooner you get it through your THICK skulls that ANYONE can be friends with ANYONE, the sooner we will be near a peaceful world. also, the next person that calls me a CREEP, CREEPY, CREEPER, or any other form of the word in a SERIOUS NON JOKING MANNER, i will go out of my way to find the address of the nearest sex offender, knock you out, tie you up, and drop you off at their house. so, when you wake up to some 54 year old dude shooting his seed in your eye while singing the theme song to Different Strokes, then maybe you'll reconsider your definition of CREEPY.
secondly, if you are a female and i am super nice to you out of nowhere, trying to help you out when i see you're down, even though we've never met, DO NOT take it as an evil plot to get into your pants, cause i FUCKING ASSURE YOU THAT IT IS NOT AN EVIL PLOT. the ONLY reason i am nice to ANYONE who i've never met before and try to help them is because there are TOO MANY assholes in the world who would rather see everyone suffer, so i take it upon myself to be as nice as humanly possible to random people so i can prove in some way or another that there are GOOD PEOPLE in the world and i care about everyone. i'm willing to help out whoever when they are down because i have been there before and it is not a good place to be FOR ANYONE. thankfully there are people who have noticed my kind gestures and are now friends of mine, instead of thinking i'm a secret rapist who is helping you with your issues just to get a blow job, FUCK YOU if you think that.
and finally, BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE to the fucking BITCHES that decide they're too good for me after pretending they like me for months. how many times has this happened now? oh lord, i LOST COUNT. also, to anyone that talked to me ONCE and when i say we should talk more, TURN ON THE IGNORE SWITCH AND WON'T GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EVEN BE FRIENDS. just because i say you're PRETTY doesn't mean i'm going to RAPE you, stop being so goddamn paranoid and actually GET TO KNOW ME instead of JUDGING ME. you're so AWESOME when you laugh about ignoring a boy you think is ugly right? or when he tried to talk to you and is being nice and you decide, "oh he's gross why is he talking to me?" when that boy did nothing to you that would make you hate him. FUCK YOU. go back to talking to every guy that asks you out every 10 minutes or asked to come over and fuck every day or better yet, how about the guy that used to BEAT you? yeah! he's cool right?! once again, FUCK YOU.
i am done now, and i will go back to not giving a shit about these ASSHOLES.
Stay True.
xXx.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Only In Dreams: A Short Story
The boy sat down, exhausted, he decided to rest his eyes...
He opened his eyes, to see his girl staring at him, smiling, she was amazingly beautiful, like an angel sent down from heaven JUST for him. He loved her, everything about her, the way her dark hair hung down over her right eye, the way her beautiful green eyes glowed, almost mirroring a beautiful sunset over the horizon. Her voice...it was almost like nothing he's ever heard before, much like what spring would sound like when it breaks through the cold, unforgiving trap that is called Winter. She brushes her hair to the side and looks at him, she smiles. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you!" she says. He smiled too, as soon as he heard her beautiful voice, "it's okay, i don't mind, as long as the first thing i see when i open my eyes is you, i will never be angry when you wake me" he said. She looks at him with her soft eyes, gleaming in the sunlight, and says "you are definitely the most amazing guy in the world!" and kisses him. Her lips felt like what clouds would feel like, if they were objects. He stares into her perfect eyes as she sits next to him. She was shorter than him, body type not perfect to society, but perfect to him, he made sure to tell her that everyday. "You know, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." he reminds her. "oh stop! you know that's not true!" she exclaims. "No, you are, i don't care what those other guys say, or what the media says, the perfect girl is not what they show on TV, the perfect girl is not skin and bones, to me, the perfect girl is and will always be...you" he says. She begins to happily tear up, "do you really mean that?" she asked. "Of course i mean that, i mean every word that comes out of my mouth when speaking to you, never would i tell a lie to someone i care about so much" he answered. She responds "you are the perfect guy, you know that?" and once again kisses him. They both look at each other, it was easy to tell that neither of them wanted to be anywhere else at this very moment, they wanted to be here with each other, because right here, right now, in both of their eyes, is true love, true happiness, things that they both believed could never exist, but here it is, they found it. "I love you" they both say in unison, and both hold each other, and fall asleep.
The boy opens his eyes...he is alone..."what just happened?" he says, as he looks around his house, confused. "That...was that real?" The boy realized..it was all a dream. "ah..." he sighs, and goes back to sleep.
Written by: Richard Lee Finogle Jr.
He opened his eyes, to see his girl staring at him, smiling, she was amazingly beautiful, like an angel sent down from heaven JUST for him. He loved her, everything about her, the way her dark hair hung down over her right eye, the way her beautiful green eyes glowed, almost mirroring a beautiful sunset over the horizon. Her voice...it was almost like nothing he's ever heard before, much like what spring would sound like when it breaks through the cold, unforgiving trap that is called Winter. She brushes her hair to the side and looks at him, she smiles. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you!" she says. He smiled too, as soon as he heard her beautiful voice, "it's okay, i don't mind, as long as the first thing i see when i open my eyes is you, i will never be angry when you wake me" he said. She looks at him with her soft eyes, gleaming in the sunlight, and says "you are definitely the most amazing guy in the world!" and kisses him. Her lips felt like what clouds would feel like, if they were objects. He stares into her perfect eyes as she sits next to him. She was shorter than him, body type not perfect to society, but perfect to him, he made sure to tell her that everyday. "You know, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." he reminds her. "oh stop! you know that's not true!" she exclaims. "No, you are, i don't care what those other guys say, or what the media says, the perfect girl is not what they show on TV, the perfect girl is not skin and bones, to me, the perfect girl is and will always be...you" he says. She begins to happily tear up, "do you really mean that?" she asked. "Of course i mean that, i mean every word that comes out of my mouth when speaking to you, never would i tell a lie to someone i care about so much" he answered. She responds "you are the perfect guy, you know that?" and once again kisses him. They both look at each other, it was easy to tell that neither of them wanted to be anywhere else at this very moment, they wanted to be here with each other, because right here, right now, in both of their eyes, is true love, true happiness, things that they both believed could never exist, but here it is, they found it. "I love you" they both say in unison, and both hold each other, and fall asleep.
The boy opens his eyes...he is alone..."what just happened?" he says, as he looks around his house, confused. "That...was that real?" The boy realized..it was all a dream. "ah..." he sighs, and goes back to sleep.
Written by: Richard Lee Finogle Jr.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Isolation.
Some days i feel like i wanna go into isolation for months and just write and write until my brain is so empty that there's nothing left to do but turn what i wrote into music and scream it out loud enough for the entire world to hear what i'm thinking. That, sadly, i just cannot do, i have things to do, money to make, continue my journey to find the right girl which i seem to keep finding but in situations where she can't be mine for legal reasoning, the fact that she is with somebody else, or distance issues (don't ask). Though, if i stop looking, she'll find me, right? That's what they keep saying anyways, oh well, why do i try? Point is, there is way too much in my brain and not enough places to dump it out, it's like i need a junk yard or a landfill just for my thoughts. I could pour them into stories? maybe. i could pour them into songs? yes, but the main focus is to make money to get our record released before we write a whole other record, which i would say, we have most of the second album done in lyrics, and the first one isn't even out yet. fuck. I will forever continue to have wonderful conversations with wonderful people, but that only releases so much of what i'm thinking. Thankfully there is Blogger...or Blogspot..what are you called? but the thing is, i hate typing mostly, and this blog is barely read, plus, when i speak to it, it doesn't speak back, it doesn't give me insight on my thoughts that makes me feel less insane, it just stares at me like i AM insane...but maybe i am? aren't most musicians insane? but wait, am i really even a musician? or just a guy that plays music? what's the difference? see what i mean? so many questions, no insight, no answers, i am told i can call any one of my friends when i need help or someone to talk to, but i feel like a total bother doing so, cause i don't think that i'm important enough to take time to talk to, though, i am thankful for the people that do think i am.
i am sleepy..kind of...but i don't want to sleep at all...my mind is in overdrive for sure..i can't stop thinking about her or the fact that tomorrow is going to be another borefest and how i wish i could just skip tomorrow into Thursday so i can work at my super awesome new Hot Topic job, and then end up on Friday where we might have band practice, and then skip to the next practice, and then to our show on August 7th, and then the 28th, and then the fall, and then WE NEED MONEY. fuck, now i'm just in ramble mode...ah fuck it, my hands hurt, i'm going to lay down.goodnight.
Stay True.
xXx
(edit: i don't know why the fonts are different on both paragraphs...i can't fix it)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Samuel: A Short Story.
Samuel is a good person, a very good person. He's always trying to help his friends when needed, does all he can for his family, and would do anything for the girl he loves. Although Samuel has many friends and a loving family, he lacks in the girl department. In fact, Samuel lives alone, he has for many years, and at age 30, he has begun to think that he will die alone. Since his 20's he has always just wanted someone to love, who loves him back, in a way that friends and family can't, in a way that would make his heart float on into a land of happiness only provided by the woman of his dreams. Though, he does not have that, and he has tried plenty of times for this to happen, failure is all that he is used to in love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. You see, Samuel has suffered from depression since he was very young, and attempts at trying as hard as he can to give hints about his depression have always failed. Nobody pays attention to his cries for help, because with suicide and depression being a part of the mainstream these days, it's almost like a joke to everyone, and they see it merely as a cry for attention, nothing serious. So, his depression remains undiagnosed. Samuel would never take pills for his problems anyways, he feels they do nothing but make the pain worse, only numbing it, but not getting rid of it. He doesn't know why he has depression, and he may never know, but his friends and family's ignorance, mixed with his extremely bad luck with love, has only made him worse and worse. Today, Samuel will help himself. Today, Samuel will do the one thing that he knows will cure him of his horrible thoughts - Samuel is going to kill himself.
The alarm goes off, it's an annoying sound, he never liked it. Samuel opens his eyes in slow motion, only to see a blurry light from his phone screaming at him like an eagle flying over his head. "Morning already?" Samuel says to himself, "God..i was having an amazing dream..why is it time to wake already?". He sits up slowly, rubs his eyes, and waits for them to adjust to the morning light, he shuffles out of his room into the bathroom. Samuel comes across a mirror, he looks into it, sees himself staring back at him, yet, it's not who he knows as himself. Bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep haunt him, running on an hour of sleep from day to day can do damage to the human body, more than anyone knows. He looks into his own eyes, he hates them, he can't stand his eyes. To himself, Samuel is ugly, the ugliest person he's ever seen. "why was i born like this" he says to the mirror, "why must you taunt me...why?". He takes one long, hard look at himself one last time and screams out "I AM NOTHING! I AM NOTHING! I AM NOTHING!" Samuel punches the mirror, shattering broken glass all over the bathroom floor, he cries out at himself "YOU'RE SO STUPID! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" blood ran down his fist, but it was a small cut, nothing compared to what he's really capable of doing to himself. Samuel washes his hands off, and walks into his room to get dressed. Every morning, Samuel likes to step outside for some fresh air, mainly, to find some sort of happiness in his meaningless life. The neighbor, Larry, is standing outside as well. "Hi there Sam! beautiful day isn't it?" Larry exclaims. "Not as beautiful as it could be" Samuel says under his breath to himself, and just smiles and nods at Larry. He didn't want to speak to anyone, he didn't want anyone to somehow convince him not to end his life today, he wanted to leave this world. With a quick glance to the left, Samuel sees a rabbit hopping up next to him, he looks at it, and for the first time in months, he cracked a real smile. "Hi there friend..." he says to the rabbit, "sometimes, i wish i could be you". Samuel then goes inside, where he turns on the TV to the news, "there's never any good news..." he says to the TV, and quickly falls back to sleep. Samuel wakes up to a thunderstorm, it is now dark outside, "how long did i sleep?" he says out loud to himself. He then stretches, yawns, and proceeds up the stairs, where his plan will take place, and he will finally be laid to rest.
Suddenly, Samuel is overwhelmed with anger at himself. "What is so wrong with me? why do i say stupid things? what is my purpose here?" He continues to mumble to himself while he slams and locks his door, shuts his phone off, and searches his drawer for a razor blade. "nobody will stop me...not this time...not again...this time i am gone, nobody will miss me, not even a bit" Samuel takes the razor blade, presses it onto his wrist, and begins to cut, slowly. Lighting crashes around him, it is a dark and stormy night, he ignores the flashes and loud thunder, and continues cutting. "why isn't this working" he says, "this damn blade is so dull, come on, work!" he keeps yelling at himself, telling himself to cut harder "WORK DAMMIT! WORK!" he cuts more, violently, this time moving quicker, he will not stop, he is determined to get out, escape to a better world where he won't have to live with himself. No more lonely nights, no more rejections, no more being ignored, this time, people will remember him, people will feel for him, they will see Samuel for who he is, who he was, and who he will never be. "WHY ISN'T IT CUTTING! WHY! CUT DAMMIT!" what Samuel doesn't realize, is that the blade has already reached the vain, but he keeps going, violently. "I...I guess it's not going to work" he stops, blood runs down his arm like a waterfall, it stains his white shirt. "Maybe i'm supposed to live...maybe" Samuel then retires to his bed, and clutches himself, he has nobody to hug, nobody to comfort him, he is all alone. "This isn't right...why am i doing this? i should be alive..yeah..tomorrow, i begin a new life, i will be positive, i will fight this depression on my own, i will go out, and hell, i WILL meet the girl of my dreams, we will get married together, have a family, yeah! tomorrow is a new day for me...a new day..of happiness". He begins to smile..a real, big smile, he cries tears of joy. "I am sorry..." he says to himself "god..this hurts so bad.." he says of his cut. Samuel lays there, hugging himself, bleeding, crying, smiling. He passes out, with hopes and dreams of a new day in his life.
Samuel died that night, tightly clutching his own body...
Written by: Richard Finogle Jr.
The alarm goes off, it's an annoying sound, he never liked it. Samuel opens his eyes in slow motion, only to see a blurry light from his phone screaming at him like an eagle flying over his head. "Morning already?" Samuel says to himself, "God..i was having an amazing dream..why is it time to wake already?". He sits up slowly, rubs his eyes, and waits for them to adjust to the morning light, he shuffles out of his room into the bathroom. Samuel comes across a mirror, he looks into it, sees himself staring back at him, yet, it's not who he knows as himself. Bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep haunt him, running on an hour of sleep from day to day can do damage to the human body, more than anyone knows. He looks into his own eyes, he hates them, he can't stand his eyes. To himself, Samuel is ugly, the ugliest person he's ever seen. "why was i born like this" he says to the mirror, "why must you taunt me...why?". He takes one long, hard look at himself one last time and screams out "I AM NOTHING! I AM NOTHING! I AM NOTHING!" Samuel punches the mirror, shattering broken glass all over the bathroom floor, he cries out at himself "YOU'RE SO STUPID! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" blood ran down his fist, but it was a small cut, nothing compared to what he's really capable of doing to himself. Samuel washes his hands off, and walks into his room to get dressed. Every morning, Samuel likes to step outside for some fresh air, mainly, to find some sort of happiness in his meaningless life. The neighbor, Larry, is standing outside as well. "Hi there Sam! beautiful day isn't it?" Larry exclaims. "Not as beautiful as it could be" Samuel says under his breath to himself, and just smiles and nods at Larry. He didn't want to speak to anyone, he didn't want anyone to somehow convince him not to end his life today, he wanted to leave this world. With a quick glance to the left, Samuel sees a rabbit hopping up next to him, he looks at it, and for the first time in months, he cracked a real smile. "Hi there friend..." he says to the rabbit, "sometimes, i wish i could be you". Samuel then goes inside, where he turns on the TV to the news, "there's never any good news..." he says to the TV, and quickly falls back to sleep. Samuel wakes up to a thunderstorm, it is now dark outside, "how long did i sleep?" he says out loud to himself. He then stretches, yawns, and proceeds up the stairs, where his plan will take place, and he will finally be laid to rest.
Suddenly, Samuel is overwhelmed with anger at himself. "What is so wrong with me? why do i say stupid things? what is my purpose here?" He continues to mumble to himself while he slams and locks his door, shuts his phone off, and searches his drawer for a razor blade. "nobody will stop me...not this time...not again...this time i am gone, nobody will miss me, not even a bit" Samuel takes the razor blade, presses it onto his wrist, and begins to cut, slowly. Lighting crashes around him, it is a dark and stormy night, he ignores the flashes and loud thunder, and continues cutting. "why isn't this working" he says, "this damn blade is so dull, come on, work!" he keeps yelling at himself, telling himself to cut harder "WORK DAMMIT! WORK!" he cuts more, violently, this time moving quicker, he will not stop, he is determined to get out, escape to a better world where he won't have to live with himself. No more lonely nights, no more rejections, no more being ignored, this time, people will remember him, people will feel for him, they will see Samuel for who he is, who he was, and who he will never be. "WHY ISN'T IT CUTTING! WHY! CUT DAMMIT!" what Samuel doesn't realize, is that the blade has already reached the vain, but he keeps going, violently. "I...I guess it's not going to work" he stops, blood runs down his arm like a waterfall, it stains his white shirt. "Maybe i'm supposed to live...maybe" Samuel then retires to his bed, and clutches himself, he has nobody to hug, nobody to comfort him, he is all alone. "This isn't right...why am i doing this? i should be alive..yeah..tomorrow, i begin a new life, i will be positive, i will fight this depression on my own, i will go out, and hell, i WILL meet the girl of my dreams, we will get married together, have a family, yeah! tomorrow is a new day for me...a new day..of happiness". He begins to smile..a real, big smile, he cries tears of joy. "I am sorry..." he says to himself "god..this hurts so bad.." he says of his cut. Samuel lays there, hugging himself, bleeding, crying, smiling. He passes out, with hopes and dreams of a new day in his life.
Samuel died that night, tightly clutching his own body...
Written by: Richard Finogle Jr.
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