When Will I Learn?

I hate it. i hate this feeling, i hate everything that surrounds it, everything that it feeds off of, i hate the way it takes over my brain and squeezes the life out of it like no tomorrow. I haven't vented in days, it's about time i do. I often think, everything i said in past blogs about love, is true, i often think i have it all figured out, that I'm right, everyone else is wrong. Then someone comes along and wakes me up, unknowingly saying that "you're wrong, love is real, love is amazing, love exists in every one's hearts, and someday, I'll make you feel the kind of love you're looking for". Then, inevitably, all that hope, all that happiness and everything that came with it, gets destroyed, taken away, for what? i don't know, people tell me i deserve someone special, people tell me that any girl is lucky to have me, people tell me that someday, I'll find what I'm looking for. Someone needs to tell me why when i think i found what I'm looking for, what I'm looking for doesn't want me. I'm sick of people telling me how great i am and how much a nice girl deserves me, i want the truth, i want to know my flaws, i want to know what I'm doing wrong. Because when a girl sits there and tells me how amazing i am, and then doesn't date me, there HAS TO be something I'm doing wrong. Nice guys finish last, they say, hell, i never truly believed that until now, but it's true. We do, we get friend zoned, shit on, fucked with, teased, led on, everything you could possibly imagine. We get taken advantage of cause we're so nice. I don't HAVE to be so nice, it's just in my nature, that's the kind of person i am, it's natural for me to be nice, i don't have it in me to treat a woman like crap, or anyone for that matter, and i never will. I know just what the problem is, i always knew it from the time i started trying to date girls, until now: it's my looks, always have been, it's about time i do something to change that, cause if I'm as great as all these girls say i am, just imagine the relationship success I'll have if I'm not only the super nice guy, but the super hot guy. That's what girls want? well that's what they'll get. By early next year, i PROMISE you, i will be a more advanced version of myself. If that doesn't work, then I'm throwing in the towel and will accept that i am destined to be alone for the rest of my life, and that will be the end of it. Until then though, you better believe I'm going for this with full force.

Stay True.

xLOSERx