Awwww, Here It Goes! (Again)

Evening (Morning?) blog reader(s)! Sure has been awhile since i wrote in this particular blog. I've been writing in another one called The Hate Blog which is a lot more fun than this one, go to www.thehateblog1.blogspot.com if you're interested.

I have come back here for one reason only, a reason that seems to be the only thing i use this for: i have a crush on someone. I wasn't sure if i was going to write this or not because i know in reality, nobody really gives a shit who I'm crushing on cause by now you should know that I'm just going to bitch about it and tell you that i know how it's going to end, which is true, that is what I'm going to do. So instead of annoying everyone with late night texts and such, i have decided to spill everything i am thinking about at the moment into this blog due to the fact that if i don't say anything, this will just get worse and worse. Now, i will not go into detail about the girl, because quite frankly, i really don't want her knowing i have a crush on her, shit will get weird, as it usually does. For once, the girl doesn't have a boyfriend, at least right now she doesn't. Which is good right? Well yeah, cause this means that if i were someone else, i would be going for it immediately cause there's no barriers, but nope, i am me, which means instead i will admire from afar, secretly, like i am in 4th grade. See, i know that i like someone when i try my hardest to sugar coat myself, metaphorically speaking. I have noticed that not only my looks, but my outgoing/sarcastic personality has pushed girls away. I am a talker, i have many opinions, and i love to share them. I tell bad jokes that i think are hilarious, and i go into great detail about things that the girl usually could care less about. Not to mention, my professional life is relying on a dream to make it in music cause that's the only thing i really have skills in. So, i am not the BEST sounding boyfriend ever. I end up trying hard not to say things that I'm thinking and i try to dilute myself the best way possible because i actually give a shit what she thinks about me, though that's a terrible idea cause when the real me comes out she just thinks I'm an asshole. Know what i mean? of course you don't. Dealing with crushes is not something i am very good at. I find myself wanting to talk to the girl all the time but i know i can't, cause that would be borderline stalkerish. I also find myself wanting to avoid her because i don't know what to say and i know that every moment talking to her is another moment i can make an ass out of myself, but i can't avoid her cause i want her to like me. Believe it or not, i have confidence, i really do, but when i like someone is when i start to feel not good enough and am able to point out my flaws really well. Not the best quality, right? Yeah i know, but what's a guy like me supposed to do? Especially when you've seen the type of guy she goes for, it's like, "wow, i can't compete with that, she'd never go for someone like me, someone larger and very outspoken, why should i even try?" Not trying is always my initial plan but then something makes me want to try, usually it's the signals i get from the girl, she seems as though she likes me so then i go for it, and then I'm shot down like a bird from that one Nintendo game where you'd shoot birds. Duck hunter was it? Maybe? i don't remember. My point is, it's hard to go for someone again after the last time you went for someone who was giving the "i like you" signals, you got shot down. Now I'm not saying she is giving me the i like you signals, I'm saying if she ever does. Blah, my thoughts are all tangled now. Let me simplify it: I like girl, not sure if girl likes me, will never know cause i won't try even though i want to. Me is stupid.

Alright, here's a message: i know i am pretty bad at hiding the fact that i like someone, so if the girl who i like has figured me out, please let me know you have figured me out instead of waiting for me to crack and tell you how i feel, and please let me know ahead of time if pursuing you is what i should do. That would make this so much easier if you could do that for me, okay? Thanks!

Stay True.

xLOSERx