Saturday, February 11, 2012
The Last Post I'll Ever Write About A Girl...Sort Of.
Okay, so the title may not be EXACTLY what I'm talking about in this post but i really wanted to make an Ataris reference. Anyways, this post maybe a little confusing, i am tired and it's 3AM but i basically want to talk about a certain feeling/idea or whatever you want to call it that i have touched on before: Love. Now, i have said many many horrible things about it lately but I'm just trying to put it into perspective, i guess. The truth is, I'm 23, and still don't know the true meaning behind romantic love. Then again, I'm sure there are people out there who are in their 50's and are still trying to figure out the meaning behind it. I have come to believe that it's some sort of voodoo, or at least, for men it is. I can't understand the power that women have over us, i mean, just seeing a beautiful girl will cause us to be distracted or immediately sent into another world, but it's even worse when you like that beautiful girl. When you like, her, not only are you distracted when you see her, but you're distracted when she's not even around. You run into things, get nervous about everything, and the thing you look forward to most everyday is seeing her name pop up in a received text message on your phone, or an incoming call, and somehow, that makes your entire day wonderful and you don't even know why. I can't explain it, really, but i wonder, is that love? Or is love something much deeper and is what you feel at those moments simply infatuation? When you think about it, though, infatuation is just an early stage of love, but you have to ask yourself, is love even real? Shit, I've been trying to figure that one out for most of my life. I certainly miss the days when the word "love" only meant for your family or the toy you just picked up at the store. Those were the days. Now, one simple four letter word can send fear through the hearts of millions of people, i know it does for me, because I'm not even sure if it really exists. I am about to name drop here of an ex girlfriend, and i don't even care if she sees this but I'd say the closest thing to love that i have ever felt was for a girl named Jess Stitzel. It was a high school romance, but there was no physicality, we just enjoyed the company of each other, or at least, i enjoyed the company of her very much so. To me, love in the sense of romance, would be something like her and i had, two people who are SO attracted to each other's personalities that there is no need for physical contact and you can go home and feel satisfied just because you got to spend a half an hour with the person you are infatuated with. Who knows though, that's only my opinion. I'm not saying the physical stuff isn't awesome, I'm just saying when you look at it in a deeper sense, who the hell needs all of that? If someone can so easily have physical relations, whether it be sexual, or just making out, with someone else and not give a shit about their feelings, or make an agreement where you can have sex and no feelings will be thought of, then how important is physicality in a relationship? Well my opinion is that it's not important at all. The important thing, to me anyways, would be how much you enjoy seeing each other, even if it's for a few minutes. From my perspective, i think it would be something like sitting on the couch with a girl i am attracted to, watching a movie or TV show that i absolutely despise, and yet, still feeling happy because i can look next to me and see her smile light up the room whenever she laughs at whatever stupid joke was just said on the show or movie, or say it's a drama, i can feel her get closer to me for comfort as she cries over how some character died or how something is so very touching. See, to me, that's an example of a real relationship, that's something i would like to have, if i ever have one again. In a simplified statement, i guess i would want someone that, even if she likes things that i think are stupid, i would like her so much that i can support those stupid things because they make her happy. Get what I'm saying? Of course you do. I think as we grow older, every year we find out new things about stuff like love and relationships, and every year it's the same reaction "oh wow, yeah i get it now", but as for me, i still find myself saying "this is confusing, i think I'm going to stay out of it", but I'd like to think I've made at least a LITTLE bit of progress, don't you think so? Considering, if you've read my previous posts on here, not counting the short stories, I've matured pretty heavily on this subject since i wrote those. I feel less cynical, and I'm leaning more towards "I'm just going to sit back and see what happens". Who knows, i may meet someone pretty damn rad, or maybe i have, and i just don't know it yet? All i know is, i dread the next time a girl puts me under her spell, because I'd really like to avoid those "wet floor" signs.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Part 3 - Dreams Fade. (Jack & Jillian)
"Everything is a blur" Jack mutters to himself. He sits in his room, staring at the wall, hoping somehow the plan he has to win back Jillian will work. Jack needs to act now or else all is lost, but he can't seem to pull himself together. "What if it doesn't work? I'm just going to look like an idiot. I can't stand this. I need some fresh air."
Jack decides to take a walk outside, he strolls down the sidewalk, hands in pockets, looking like he just came from a funeral. He looks up at the sky, instead of a bright blue sky, instead he sees a shade of red, almost like the end of the world is upon us. "I must be hallucinating, fuck." He starts walking in the direction of the local park, everything is way too quiet for him, it's almost frightening. The trees look as if they're depressed, they hang low and the leaves are slowly falling to the ground. Jack doesn't even acknowledge the fact that the leaves shouldn't be falling until October. It's July. He ignores almost everything around him. Only one thing is on his mind, and that's winning back Jillian. That's when he hears it, Jillian's voice. Just like an angel, the sound of her voice suddenly brightens the sky, and brings the trees back to life. Jack looks thrilled and scared at the same time. Then, he sees her, and his heart sinks. "What is she doing here?" He whispers to himself.
Jillian is sitting on a park bench with her best friend, Courtney. It looks as though Jillian is upset about something. Jack decides to listen to what they're talking about, so he hides behind a tree close by and listens. "I just don't know, Courtney, i do like Brandon, but i just don't feel it like i did with Jack." Jillian says. "You mean, your best guy friend, turned boyfriend, sweetest guy in the universe Jack? Well of course you don't feel the same, Jack is probably the nicest guy I've ever met, you gave up a good thing in him." Courtney says. "Wow, it almost sounds like you should be dating him." Jillian says. "Believe me, if you weren't obviously still in love with him, I'd be all over Jack." Courtney says. "COURTNEY! That's not funny! I'm having a crisis here!" Jillian exclaims. "I'm just saying, you need to figure out what you want, do you want Brandon? or do you want Jack? Think about it, who treats you better? Who do you have the strongest feelings for? and most of all, who do you see yourself having a better future with?" Courtney says. "Well...honestly, Jack comes to mind when i think of my future, i mean, this has been eating at me since i started dating Brandon a couple weeks ago, and i can't stand not being with Jack, i am still in love with him. Oh my god, i am such a bitch! I can't believe i did that to him." Jillian says, beginning to cry. Courtney gives Jillian a big hug. "Jillian, you need to go get Jack. You need to go find him and tell him how you feel, right now." Courtney says. "I can't just do that...i am still with Brandon. I need to talk to him first." Jillian says. Jack sees Jillian stand up and start to leave. "SHIT." He says to himself, and runs off around the corner. "Did she really mean all that? Holy crap. Is she going to be the one to win me back? That's not how the movies work, though!" Jack looks around, suddenly, everything looks so much happier, almost as if the buildings are smiling at him. Jack looks up, and sees the building he is standing next to wink at him. "What...the..." He runs away, up the street and around the corner, nearing his house, suddenly, he sees Brandon, Jillian's new boyfriend, on the porch of his house which is about a block away from Jack's house. Brandon seems to be standing with a girl, but the girl is blonde. "That's not Jillian." Jack says to himself. Jack decides to walk a bit closer, he sees Brandon start to kiss this blonde girl, when suddenly, another person appears from around the corner, it's Jillian. "Oh...." Jack watches on, in shock.
"WHAT THE FUCK, BRANDON!" Jillian screams. "What? what did i do?!" Brandon says, playing dumb. "What do you mean what did you do?! YOU'RE KISSING ANOTHER WOMAN!" Jillian says. "Hey! What we had was never serious! So just shut the fuck up and get out of here you stupid whore!" Brandon says. "What?! What are you talking about?! You said you liked me! You said we were a real couple! I made sure of this before i left Jack! YOU CONVINCED ME TO LEAVE JACK! God, that was the stupidest thing i could ever do!" Jillian runs away from Brandon's house. "I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Brandon screams. Jillian begins to cry, she runs and runs, until she hits a wall. She falls to the ground, and looks up, the wall she ran into happens to have a name, it's Jack. "Oh my god, Jillian, are you okay?" Jack says, concerned. He kneels down next to her. "Oh Jack, did you see any of that? How long were you here?" Jillian says. "I uh...i was just passing by when...uh....yeah...i saw it all." Jack confesses. Jillian doesn't say a word in response, she just gives Jack a big hug. "Wow, Jack, doesn't this seem familiar." Jillian says, feeling more comfortable than she's ever felt in Jack's arms. "Wow, heh, yeah, it sure does." Jack says. "Only this time, it's you on the ground, seeing stars." He says. "No, Jack, i only see one star, and that star is you." Jillian says. "What? What do you mean?" Jack says. "I need you back, Jack. I need you in my life. I am so sorry i left you for Brandon, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I understand if you don't want to be with me and if you hate me because of it, but i need to try, i need to try to get you back. Please Jack, don't leave me here." Jillian kisses Jack on the lips, much like the first kiss they shared, only this one was filled with desire, the desire to be together again. Jack and Jillian both knew that they were meant to be together, and they weren't going to let anyone stop them. "Jillian, of course i will take you back. I love you, so much." Jack says, looking into Jillian's eyes, which have turned from a bright green into a soft blue, much like a mood ring. Jillian smiles like she's never smiled before. "I am so happy, Jack, i promise i will never do anything so rotten to you again. This is the last mistake i will ever make, from now on, my heart belongs to you, Jack." Jillian says, as she hands Jack what seems to be a diamond, but it's not, it's a beautiful, pink, heart shaped crystal. It's Jillian's heart. Jack holds it to his chest and watches it disappear. "Now i am yours, Jack, please, be careful with it, it's my only one." Jillian says as she smiles at Jack. Jack looks a bit startled by what had just happened, but he is too overwhelmed with happiness to ask questions. "Wow, this is amazing. You know, i had a whole romantic plan ready to win you back myself, but as it turns out, you won me back instead." Jack says. "Well you will have to show me sometime what you had planned. I promise you though, it would have worked" Jillian says. "Haha, wow really? That's a relief." Jack says, laughing. "Jack, can i tell you something? Something that I've always wanted to tell you?" Jillian says. "Yes, Jillian, you can tell me anything, what is it?" Jack asks. "Beep beep beep beep beep beep" Jillian says. "What? I don't understand." Jack responds. Jillian opens her mouth to speak again, but all that comes out are loud, crude beeps. "What the hell is going on here?" Jack says. Suddenly, Jillian fades away. "WHAT?!" Jack exclaims. Everything around him turns black and disintegrates, and all he can hear is the crude beeping noise.
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
"OH MY GOD!" Jack awakens, startled by his alarm clock. He looks around, dazed, and slowly turns off his alarm."What...what just happened." Jack sits up, looks around his room, everything is quiet. "Shit..." He buries his face in his hands and sighs. Jack decides to stand up and check his text messages. "Oh? a text from Jillian?" He gets excited, and reads the text:
Jillian: Hey Jack, i am so sorry i acted like a bitch last night. Things are perfect with Martin now, in fact, he asked me to marry him! Can you believe it?! You're probably still asleep, but i hope to hear from you when you wake up! Talk to you soon, best friend!
Jack stares at the message for the longest time, mouth hanging open, his heart has sunk completely into his stomach. He exits the message, and throws his phone across the room. "WHAT THE FUCK!" He exclaims. Jack's puts his hands on his head as he paces back and forth in his room. He flops down on his bed and stares at the ceiling. He sighs, and closes his eyes for a moment, before he stands up, gets his phone, and decides to text Jillian back.
Jack: Jillian, i am happy that you are happy, but let me confess something to you before you go through with this, I am in love with you, i always have been, I can't stand the way Martin treats you, and i know you can't either, so please don't go through with this, consider a life without abuse and a life without feeling like trash. You deserve so much better, you deserve to be given the world and treated like the angel you are. Give me a chance to be that guy. I needed to tell you this now, or else i would have regretted it for the rest of my life, and i don't know how well this will work, but i couldn't live with myself if i watched you get married to someone that i KNOW you don't want to spend your life with. He's manipulating you, don't you see that? Please, as your friend, i am telling you, don't do this. See what your life could be like with someone else. Someone like me. I love you Jillian, i always have, and always will.
Jack reads over his message about 3 or 4 times. He exits out of it, his phone reads: "Would you like to save this message?" He chooses "No". Jack opens up a brand new reply to Jillian.
Jack: Wow! that's great! i am so happy for you. Text me later, i want to hear all the details.
Jack hits SEND.
Message Sent.
Jack throws his phone again, sits down on his bed, and buries his face in his hands.
THE END.
Jack decides to take a walk outside, he strolls down the sidewalk, hands in pockets, looking like he just came from a funeral. He looks up at the sky, instead of a bright blue sky, instead he sees a shade of red, almost like the end of the world is upon us. "I must be hallucinating, fuck." He starts walking in the direction of the local park, everything is way too quiet for him, it's almost frightening. The trees look as if they're depressed, they hang low and the leaves are slowly falling to the ground. Jack doesn't even acknowledge the fact that the leaves shouldn't be falling until October. It's July. He ignores almost everything around him. Only one thing is on his mind, and that's winning back Jillian. That's when he hears it, Jillian's voice. Just like an angel, the sound of her voice suddenly brightens the sky, and brings the trees back to life. Jack looks thrilled and scared at the same time. Then, he sees her, and his heart sinks. "What is she doing here?" He whispers to himself.
Jillian is sitting on a park bench with her best friend, Courtney. It looks as though Jillian is upset about something. Jack decides to listen to what they're talking about, so he hides behind a tree close by and listens. "I just don't know, Courtney, i do like Brandon, but i just don't feel it like i did with Jack." Jillian says. "You mean, your best guy friend, turned boyfriend, sweetest guy in the universe Jack? Well of course you don't feel the same, Jack is probably the nicest guy I've ever met, you gave up a good thing in him." Courtney says. "Wow, it almost sounds like you should be dating him." Jillian says. "Believe me, if you weren't obviously still in love with him, I'd be all over Jack." Courtney says. "COURTNEY! That's not funny! I'm having a crisis here!" Jillian exclaims. "I'm just saying, you need to figure out what you want, do you want Brandon? or do you want Jack? Think about it, who treats you better? Who do you have the strongest feelings for? and most of all, who do you see yourself having a better future with?" Courtney says. "Well...honestly, Jack comes to mind when i think of my future, i mean, this has been eating at me since i started dating Brandon a couple weeks ago, and i can't stand not being with Jack, i am still in love with him. Oh my god, i am such a bitch! I can't believe i did that to him." Jillian says, beginning to cry. Courtney gives Jillian a big hug. "Jillian, you need to go get Jack. You need to go find him and tell him how you feel, right now." Courtney says. "I can't just do that...i am still with Brandon. I need to talk to him first." Jillian says. Jack sees Jillian stand up and start to leave. "SHIT." He says to himself, and runs off around the corner. "Did she really mean all that? Holy crap. Is she going to be the one to win me back? That's not how the movies work, though!" Jack looks around, suddenly, everything looks so much happier, almost as if the buildings are smiling at him. Jack looks up, and sees the building he is standing next to wink at him. "What...the..." He runs away, up the street and around the corner, nearing his house, suddenly, he sees Brandon, Jillian's new boyfriend, on the porch of his house which is about a block away from Jack's house. Brandon seems to be standing with a girl, but the girl is blonde. "That's not Jillian." Jack says to himself. Jack decides to walk a bit closer, he sees Brandon start to kiss this blonde girl, when suddenly, another person appears from around the corner, it's Jillian. "Oh...." Jack watches on, in shock.
"WHAT THE FUCK, BRANDON!" Jillian screams. "What? what did i do?!" Brandon says, playing dumb. "What do you mean what did you do?! YOU'RE KISSING ANOTHER WOMAN!" Jillian says. "Hey! What we had was never serious! So just shut the fuck up and get out of here you stupid whore!" Brandon says. "What?! What are you talking about?! You said you liked me! You said we were a real couple! I made sure of this before i left Jack! YOU CONVINCED ME TO LEAVE JACK! God, that was the stupidest thing i could ever do!" Jillian runs away from Brandon's house. "I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Brandon screams. Jillian begins to cry, she runs and runs, until she hits a wall. She falls to the ground, and looks up, the wall she ran into happens to have a name, it's Jack. "Oh my god, Jillian, are you okay?" Jack says, concerned. He kneels down next to her. "Oh Jack, did you see any of that? How long were you here?" Jillian says. "I uh...i was just passing by when...uh....yeah...i saw it all." Jack confesses. Jillian doesn't say a word in response, she just gives Jack a big hug. "Wow, Jack, doesn't this seem familiar." Jillian says, feeling more comfortable than she's ever felt in Jack's arms. "Wow, heh, yeah, it sure does." Jack says. "Only this time, it's you on the ground, seeing stars." He says. "No, Jack, i only see one star, and that star is you." Jillian says. "What? What do you mean?" Jack says. "I need you back, Jack. I need you in my life. I am so sorry i left you for Brandon, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I understand if you don't want to be with me and if you hate me because of it, but i need to try, i need to try to get you back. Please Jack, don't leave me here." Jillian kisses Jack on the lips, much like the first kiss they shared, only this one was filled with desire, the desire to be together again. Jack and Jillian both knew that they were meant to be together, and they weren't going to let anyone stop them. "Jillian, of course i will take you back. I love you, so much." Jack says, looking into Jillian's eyes, which have turned from a bright green into a soft blue, much like a mood ring. Jillian smiles like she's never smiled before. "I am so happy, Jack, i promise i will never do anything so rotten to you again. This is the last mistake i will ever make, from now on, my heart belongs to you, Jack." Jillian says, as she hands Jack what seems to be a diamond, but it's not, it's a beautiful, pink, heart shaped crystal. It's Jillian's heart. Jack holds it to his chest and watches it disappear. "Now i am yours, Jack, please, be careful with it, it's my only one." Jillian says as she smiles at Jack. Jack looks a bit startled by what had just happened, but he is too overwhelmed with happiness to ask questions. "Wow, this is amazing. You know, i had a whole romantic plan ready to win you back myself, but as it turns out, you won me back instead." Jack says. "Well you will have to show me sometime what you had planned. I promise you though, it would have worked" Jillian says. "Haha, wow really? That's a relief." Jack says, laughing. "Jack, can i tell you something? Something that I've always wanted to tell you?" Jillian says. "Yes, Jillian, you can tell me anything, what is it?" Jack asks. "Beep beep beep beep beep beep" Jillian says. "What? I don't understand." Jack responds. Jillian opens her mouth to speak again, but all that comes out are loud, crude beeps. "What the hell is going on here?" Jack says. Suddenly, Jillian fades away. "WHAT?!" Jack exclaims. Everything around him turns black and disintegrates, and all he can hear is the crude beeping noise.
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
"OH MY GOD!" Jack awakens, startled by his alarm clock. He looks around, dazed, and slowly turns off his alarm."What...what just happened." Jack sits up, looks around his room, everything is quiet. "Shit..." He buries his face in his hands and sighs. Jack decides to stand up and check his text messages. "Oh? a text from Jillian?" He gets excited, and reads the text:
Jillian: Hey Jack, i am so sorry i acted like a bitch last night. Things are perfect with Martin now, in fact, he asked me to marry him! Can you believe it?! You're probably still asleep, but i hope to hear from you when you wake up! Talk to you soon, best friend!
Jack stares at the message for the longest time, mouth hanging open, his heart has sunk completely into his stomach. He exits the message, and throws his phone across the room. "WHAT THE FUCK!" He exclaims. Jack's puts his hands on his head as he paces back and forth in his room. He flops down on his bed and stares at the ceiling. He sighs, and closes his eyes for a moment, before he stands up, gets his phone, and decides to text Jillian back.
Jack: Jillian, i am happy that you are happy, but let me confess something to you before you go through with this, I am in love with you, i always have been, I can't stand the way Martin treats you, and i know you can't either, so please don't go through with this, consider a life without abuse and a life without feeling like trash. You deserve so much better, you deserve to be given the world and treated like the angel you are. Give me a chance to be that guy. I needed to tell you this now, or else i would have regretted it for the rest of my life, and i don't know how well this will work, but i couldn't live with myself if i watched you get married to someone that i KNOW you don't want to spend your life with. He's manipulating you, don't you see that? Please, as your friend, i am telling you, don't do this. See what your life could be like with someone else. Someone like me. I love you Jillian, i always have, and always will.
Jack reads over his message about 3 or 4 times. He exits out of it, his phone reads: "Would you like to save this message?" He chooses "No". Jack opens up a brand new reply to Jillian.
Jack: Wow! that's great! i am so happy for you. Text me later, i want to hear all the details.
Jack hits SEND.
Message Sent.
Jack throws his phone again, sits down on his bed, and buries his face in his hands.
THE END.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Part 2 - The End of The World As We Know It. (Jack & Jillian)
Life. Is Good.
Those were the only words on Jack's mind since that day outside of the video store, the day that changed his life. "Jillian and I are dating!" He says to Warren. Jack and Warren were hanging out at Jack's place. He couldn't wait to tell Warren the news. "You're...dating? as in, DATING? Like, boyfriend/girlfriend?" Warren questioned. "YES. She kissed me and everything! it was like, something out of the movies, like, true romance, or something." Jack explained. "Wasn't True Romance about gangs and shit?" Warren said. "No no, i wasn't talking about the movie True Romance, i was talking about real romance." Jack said. "Real Romance? Is that movie any good?" Warren said. "You're a retard." says Jack.
Jillian knocks on Jack's door. "Hi Jack!" She jumps on him and gives him a welcoming kiss. "Wow, hey Jillian. Man, you look so beautiful today." Jack says to his girlfriend. That's right. Girlfriend. "Jack, you are the sweetest." Jillian says, smiling. Jack and Jillian have now been dating for a month, but it doesn't seem like a month, it almost seems like it was a minute ago that the two shared a moonlit kiss after both getting physically assaulted by Martin. "Happy one month anniversary!" Jillian says to Jack. "Same to you! It sure has been an amazing month...but can you really call it an anniversary? I mean, anniversary means one year right? It's been one month, it's not an anniversary." Jack explains. "Oh, shut up, Jack. Anniversary or not, I'm still happier than I've ever been. Nobody has ever made me as happy as you do, and i hope that i will never have to deal with the Martins of the world again." Jillian says to Jack, while smiling. Jack swears her smile can light up a room, almost every time she smiles he sees a white light reminiscent of an angel, and every time she speaks it's like every other noise just doesn't exist anymore, like she is the only person alive and her voice is the only sound that can be heard. Jack knew he was in love with this girl, and he never wanted to lose her.
"Jack! Jack!" Mike yells. "JACK!". "WHAT! I AM RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!" Jack exclaims. "Oh. Yeah. Right." Mike says. "I just saw Jillian hanging out with Brandon." Mike says. "Uh, yeah, and? They're friends. So what?" Jack answers. Mike stares at Jack like a deer about to get slammed by a Hummer. Jack almost sees Mike as a deer in that very moment. "Yeah, but you don't understand, Brandon is the biggest player in town, he will woo her with his good looks and flat brim hat, fuck her brains out, and leave her instantly. Jillian is going to leave you for Brandon, dude!" Mike says. "Okay, i doubt a HAT has any power over ANYONE much less a girl's vagina. Plus..." Just then, Jack sees an empty flat brim hat across the street walking a girl into a house. "Uh. Did you just see that?" Jack asks Mike. "See what?" Mike answers. "Never mind...my point is, a hat has no power over a woman, and besides, Jillian loves me, she loves me for WHO I AM, she's not going to leave me, you're an idiot."
Just then, Jillian texts Jack.
Transcript of their text message:
Jillian: Jack, we need to talk.
Jack: Okay...want to meet me somewhere?
Jillian: No, that's okay, i can't say this in person, it will hurt too much. Jack, i am leaving you. I just...i can't do this anymore, i thought i was ready but I'm not, i can't be in another relationship right now, not after Martin. I hope you understand.
Jack: Wait...it's been a month, why are you deciding this now? What's going on?
Jillian: I know it's been a month, it's our anniversary, remember? Turns out a month was the right amount of time i needed to realize that i just need to be alone right now.
Jack: It's not an anniversary. This doesn't make any sense, are you sure there's no other reason?
Jillian: I'm sure of it. I'm sorry Jack, i still love you.
Jack: Don't do this...please?
Jillian: I'm sorry...
Jack: but it's our anniversary!
That was it. Gone. Forgotten. Just like that. Jack could not believe how something so beautiful could end so quickly. How something that meant so much to him could just wither and die right before his eyes and he couldn't do anything to stop it. It was nature, the circle of life. Things are born, and things die, and that's exactly what happened to Jack and Jillian. Much like a human life being destroyed. Jack certainly felt destroyed. What was he supposed to do? He's never felt this empty before.
Jack stared at the ceiling again. Much like he did after their last conversation before they started dating. Only this time, he wasn't thinking about the fact that he felt so stupid after flipping out at Jillian, this time he was wondering what it really was that he did wrong. What was the real reason for her breaking up with him? "She just ended it..no warning...no real explanation, at least none that made sense to me." He sighs to himself. "Maybe...shit...maybe Mike was right? No, it couldn't be, she's not that type of girl. No way." Jack hears his phone go off, it's a text message. "Jillian?" He jumps out of bed, and picks up his phone. "Oh, it's just a Postbook notification. I wonder who it is."
Jillian is now in a relationship with Brandon.
"WHAT!"
Suddenly, Jack sees red. Literally. His entire room turns red, his eyes feel like they're bleeding with rage, he touches his face, he feels blood. Suddenly it's gone, "Is this real?" He says to himself. Jack imagines that he is beating Brandon's face in with a hammer. He thinks about the satisfaction it would give him. It's not right, he knows it's not a thought he should be having but his brain isn't thinking logically right now. Jillian, it's Jillian's fault. It's not Brandon at all. Jillian. She did this, she hurt me. Jack witnesses his heart fall out onto the floor and shatter into a million peaces. Leaving a stain. He gets down on his knees. "Jillian, what the fuck. Why?" He's talking to himself, is he going insane? He looks up at the ceiling. Jack sees the pale moonlight from the night they kissed for the very first time. So vivid, so powerful. He sees Jillian's green eyes. They turn red, then black. Jack sees Jillian's face turn into Satan himself. She is evil, she is the Anti-Christ. Why? Why would she do this? Jack falls from his knees onto the floor in a slump. He rolls onto his back. It feels like the night he got knocked out, it feels like their first amazing endeavor. He remembers a time at the mall where she made him hold all of her bags. "What a bitch." He remembers a time when she slept at his house, she took up the entire bed. "Greedy whore." All these little things he thought were cute at the time, now enraged him. He wanted to kill someone. He wanted to die.
Jack, you're going insane.
Jack.
Jack.
JACK.
"WHAT! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Jack screams. "Dude...you okay?" says Mike. He was outside, in front of his house. "How...how did i get here?" Jack says. "You...walked down the stairs and opened your door and came outside...duh" Warren said. "No...no i was just...i was in my room...i...good lord." Jack says, breathing heavily as if he had just ran a mile. He has barely moved. "Okay man, this chick fucked you up, you can't let her get to you like this, it's INSANE. You sound like a mad man." Mike says to Jack. Mike was always the logical thinker and seemed to hold their group together. He was always there when someone was freaking out. "You need to move on and forget about her, dude." Mike says. "I just can't do that man, I've waited so long for her, hell, i turned down OTHER women for her, and you know how often i get women. Not very often." Jack explained. "I need her in my life, and she doesn't even want to talk to me. I can't believe you were right man, i just can't believe it" Jack continues. Mike stares at Jack for a moment "Alright. You want her back, i understand, man. I really do. As far as i see it, you have two choices, you either forget about her, or you win her back." Jack's eyes light up. "Yes. Win her back. I won her the first time, somehow! I'm sure i can think up something to win her back. Thanks man, you always know what to say!" Jack hugs Mike, and runs inside his house up to his room. Mike remains with Warren outside Jack's house. "Did he just...hug me?" He says, uncomfortably. Warren starts laughing.
Jack paces in his room, he needs to think of something, something very romantic, very special, something that will make Jillian remember how much she loves him. "Come on, Jack, THINK! I know you got it in you!" He says to himself. He wants to make her feel like she's in a movie, you know, one of those cheesy romantic comedies that always end happily. Girls love them. Suddenly, an idea pops into his head. "I GOT IT! She will love it, I'll have her falling for me all over again! Like a bad 80's song! She'll be all like I. I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT. MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING YOU SAID. YEAH! Just like that!" Jack begins working on his plan to win back Jillian. He knows that if this doesn't work, he might just lose the only girl worth all of this. The only girl worth giving his entire world for. Jillian.
Those were the only words on Jack's mind since that day outside of the video store, the day that changed his life. "Jillian and I are dating!" He says to Warren. Jack and Warren were hanging out at Jack's place. He couldn't wait to tell Warren the news. "You're...dating? as in, DATING? Like, boyfriend/girlfriend?" Warren questioned. "YES. She kissed me and everything! it was like, something out of the movies, like, true romance, or something." Jack explained. "Wasn't True Romance about gangs and shit?" Warren said. "No no, i wasn't talking about the movie True Romance, i was talking about real romance." Jack said. "Real Romance? Is that movie any good?" Warren said. "You're a retard." says Jack.
Jillian knocks on Jack's door. "Hi Jack!" She jumps on him and gives him a welcoming kiss. "Wow, hey Jillian. Man, you look so beautiful today." Jack says to his girlfriend. That's right. Girlfriend. "Jack, you are the sweetest." Jillian says, smiling. Jack and Jillian have now been dating for a month, but it doesn't seem like a month, it almost seems like it was a minute ago that the two shared a moonlit kiss after both getting physically assaulted by Martin. "Happy one month anniversary!" Jillian says to Jack. "Same to you! It sure has been an amazing month...but can you really call it an anniversary? I mean, anniversary means one year right? It's been one month, it's not an anniversary." Jack explains. "Oh, shut up, Jack. Anniversary or not, I'm still happier than I've ever been. Nobody has ever made me as happy as you do, and i hope that i will never have to deal with the Martins of the world again." Jillian says to Jack, while smiling. Jack swears her smile can light up a room, almost every time she smiles he sees a white light reminiscent of an angel, and every time she speaks it's like every other noise just doesn't exist anymore, like she is the only person alive and her voice is the only sound that can be heard. Jack knew he was in love with this girl, and he never wanted to lose her.
"Jack! Jack!" Mike yells. "JACK!". "WHAT! I AM RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!" Jack exclaims. "Oh. Yeah. Right." Mike says. "I just saw Jillian hanging out with Brandon." Mike says. "Uh, yeah, and? They're friends. So what?" Jack answers. Mike stares at Jack like a deer about to get slammed by a Hummer. Jack almost sees Mike as a deer in that very moment. "Yeah, but you don't understand, Brandon is the biggest player in town, he will woo her with his good looks and flat brim hat, fuck her brains out, and leave her instantly. Jillian is going to leave you for Brandon, dude!" Mike says. "Okay, i doubt a HAT has any power over ANYONE much less a girl's vagina. Plus..." Just then, Jack sees an empty flat brim hat across the street walking a girl into a house. "Uh. Did you just see that?" Jack asks Mike. "See what?" Mike answers. "Never mind...my point is, a hat has no power over a woman, and besides, Jillian loves me, she loves me for WHO I AM, she's not going to leave me, you're an idiot."
Just then, Jillian texts Jack.
Transcript of their text message:
Jillian: Jack, we need to talk.
Jack: Okay...want to meet me somewhere?
Jillian: No, that's okay, i can't say this in person, it will hurt too much. Jack, i am leaving you. I just...i can't do this anymore, i thought i was ready but I'm not, i can't be in another relationship right now, not after Martin. I hope you understand.
Jack: Wait...it's been a month, why are you deciding this now? What's going on?
Jillian: I know it's been a month, it's our anniversary, remember? Turns out a month was the right amount of time i needed to realize that i just need to be alone right now.
Jack: It's not an anniversary. This doesn't make any sense, are you sure there's no other reason?
Jillian: I'm sure of it. I'm sorry Jack, i still love you.
Jack: Don't do this...please?
Jillian: I'm sorry...
Jack: but it's our anniversary!
That was it. Gone. Forgotten. Just like that. Jack could not believe how something so beautiful could end so quickly. How something that meant so much to him could just wither and die right before his eyes and he couldn't do anything to stop it. It was nature, the circle of life. Things are born, and things die, and that's exactly what happened to Jack and Jillian. Much like a human life being destroyed. Jack certainly felt destroyed. What was he supposed to do? He's never felt this empty before.
Jack stared at the ceiling again. Much like he did after their last conversation before they started dating. Only this time, he wasn't thinking about the fact that he felt so stupid after flipping out at Jillian, this time he was wondering what it really was that he did wrong. What was the real reason for her breaking up with him? "She just ended it..no warning...no real explanation, at least none that made sense to me." He sighs to himself. "Maybe...shit...maybe Mike was right? No, it couldn't be, she's not that type of girl. No way." Jack hears his phone go off, it's a text message. "Jillian?" He jumps out of bed, and picks up his phone. "Oh, it's just a Postbook notification. I wonder who it is."
Jillian is now in a relationship with Brandon.
"WHAT!"
Suddenly, Jack sees red. Literally. His entire room turns red, his eyes feel like they're bleeding with rage, he touches his face, he feels blood. Suddenly it's gone, "Is this real?" He says to himself. Jack imagines that he is beating Brandon's face in with a hammer. He thinks about the satisfaction it would give him. It's not right, he knows it's not a thought he should be having but his brain isn't thinking logically right now. Jillian, it's Jillian's fault. It's not Brandon at all. Jillian. She did this, she hurt me. Jack witnesses his heart fall out onto the floor and shatter into a million peaces. Leaving a stain. He gets down on his knees. "Jillian, what the fuck. Why?" He's talking to himself, is he going insane? He looks up at the ceiling. Jack sees the pale moonlight from the night they kissed for the very first time. So vivid, so powerful. He sees Jillian's green eyes. They turn red, then black. Jack sees Jillian's face turn into Satan himself. She is evil, she is the Anti-Christ. Why? Why would she do this? Jack falls from his knees onto the floor in a slump. He rolls onto his back. It feels like the night he got knocked out, it feels like their first amazing endeavor. He remembers a time at the mall where she made him hold all of her bags. "What a bitch." He remembers a time when she slept at his house, she took up the entire bed. "Greedy whore." All these little things he thought were cute at the time, now enraged him. He wanted to kill someone. He wanted to die.
Jack, you're going insane.
Jack.
Jack.
JACK.
"WHAT! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Jack screams. "Dude...you okay?" says Mike. He was outside, in front of his house. "How...how did i get here?" Jack says. "You...walked down the stairs and opened your door and came outside...duh" Warren said. "No...no i was just...i was in my room...i...good lord." Jack says, breathing heavily as if he had just ran a mile. He has barely moved. "Okay man, this chick fucked you up, you can't let her get to you like this, it's INSANE. You sound like a mad man." Mike says to Jack. Mike was always the logical thinker and seemed to hold their group together. He was always there when someone was freaking out. "You need to move on and forget about her, dude." Mike says. "I just can't do that man, I've waited so long for her, hell, i turned down OTHER women for her, and you know how often i get women. Not very often." Jack explained. "I need her in my life, and she doesn't even want to talk to me. I can't believe you were right man, i just can't believe it" Jack continues. Mike stares at Jack for a moment "Alright. You want her back, i understand, man. I really do. As far as i see it, you have two choices, you either forget about her, or you win her back." Jack's eyes light up. "Yes. Win her back. I won her the first time, somehow! I'm sure i can think up something to win her back. Thanks man, you always know what to say!" Jack hugs Mike, and runs inside his house up to his room. Mike remains with Warren outside Jack's house. "Did he just...hug me?" He says, uncomfortably. Warren starts laughing.
Jack paces in his room, he needs to think of something, something very romantic, very special, something that will make Jillian remember how much she loves him. "Come on, Jack, THINK! I know you got it in you!" He says to himself. He wants to make her feel like she's in a movie, you know, one of those cheesy romantic comedies that always end happily. Girls love them. Suddenly, an idea pops into his head. "I GOT IT! She will love it, I'll have her falling for me all over again! Like a bad 80's song! She'll be all like I. I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT. MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING YOU SAID. YEAH! Just like that!" Jack begins working on his plan to win back Jillian. He knows that if this doesn't work, he might just lose the only girl worth all of this. The only girl worth giving his entire world for. Jillian.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Jack & Jillian. - AThree Part Short Story.
Part 1 - Love At First Fight.
This is Jack. Jack is an average boy, 23 years old, he's slightly chubby, short brown hair, wears glasses, and isn't very appealing to women. He's pretty much the definition of the modern nerd. Jack likes Jillian. Jillian doesn't know. Jack and Jillian have been best friends for years, and Jack has watched her go from asshole boyfriend, to asshole boyfriend over and over again, starting in 9th grade, and continuing well into their 20's. You'd think, both Jack and Jillian being 23, that she would have grown out of the asshole boyfriend phase years ago, but she hasn't. This is a story about trying so hard but never reaching the goal, this is Jack's story.
Jack gets home from work late one night, he goes on his computer, hoping to talk to Jillian. "the Internet is so boring, nothing but shit I've seen too much, and people bitching about how much their life sucks" he mutters to himself. Jillian comes online, Jack gets excited and decides to instant message her.
Postbook Chat Transcript:
Jack: hey Jillian.
Jillian: JACK! oh my god! i am so glad you're on, i need to talk to you.
Jack: what's up?
Jillian: It's Martin...he's acting weird. He barely calls me, and yesterday we got in a huge fight.
Jack: oh my, what about?
Jillian: well, he doesn't want me talking to any other guys, which is why i haven't texted you very often lately, and he caught me talking to this guy i work with, he FLIPPED, started calling me names and everything. I didn't know what to do, i just cried my eyes out and apologized.
Jack: you know you shouldn't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, i was wondering why you haven't texted me at all, that's bullshit, why are you still with that jerk?
Jillian: Jack...i think I'm gonna go to sleep.
Jack: wait no, I'm sorry, i didn't meant to snap.
Jillian: goodnight.
Jack sighs heavily. "What the fuck." he mumbles as he continues to surf the web, eyes getting heavy. "I guess I'll just go to sleep" he says to himself. Jack lays down on his back, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the conversation he just had with Jillian.
Jack's thoughts: What do i do? I just want to help her. Yeah i know i like her more than a friend and wish i was her boyfriend, so what? Doesn't mean i can't look out for her well being, i mean that's what a good boyfriend should do, right? She knows I'm right, I've been telling her for years, that's why she always avoids confrontation about this now. Has to be it. You know what? Maybe she's just on her period. Stupid periods. I wonder what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow...
Jack drifts off into a deep sleep after about an hour of thinking.
Beep
Beep
Beep
Beep
"OH MY GOD!" Jack awakens, startled by his alarm clock. He looks around, dazed, sighs to himself "I hate mornings". He gets ready to go to work at the local video rental store down the street and wonders why it's even still open, the format is obsolete, and with the Internet at it's peak, nobody rents videos anymore, so the place is always dead. Even with those thoughts in mind, he gets on his bike to ride down town to work. The ride there is sort of somber, his iPod is dead to he has no music to listen to. Everything just seems really quiet and weird to him, trees seem taller than usual, the ground seems to be moving with him. Jack stops in front of the video store, he looks up at the sky, "Wow, the clouds seem very creative today" he says as he noticed the oddly shaped clouds and weird yellow sky. "Must be an early sunset (10:00 AM)" he says jokingly. The day seems to drag on forever, with once again, no customers, and the TV playing nothing but Dr. Phil all day. Jack hears the door open "Customers?" he says out loud. Turns out to be Jack's best friends, Mike and Warren. "Hey fucker!" Mike exclaims, "Any new rentals in?". "Oh come on, Mike, you know we never have anything new, haha, how's it going?" Jack says. "Oh, alright, i heard you were talking to Jillian last night and it didn't go well, what the hell, man?" Mike says. Jack, staring blankly at Mike, says "How could you possibly know that?" "Well, i just started dating her best friend, Courtney. She told us all about it. Apparently Martin wants to kill you now or some shit" Warren speaks up and says. "KILL ME?! BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! Goddamn." Jack yells. "Look we gotta go, but hey, hopefully he doesn't see you in here" says Mike. "Nobody comes in here, so no worries there." Jack says.
Jack opens the door to his work, finds himself overwhelmed with apathy. He locks up, 9:00 PM, closing time for the video store. He doesn't know how much longer he can take these work shifts. "They need to hire some new people" He says out loud. Suddenly Jack hears a commotion from around the corner, it sounds like a girl yelling. "I AM SO TIRED OF THIS!" Unknown Female exclaims. "EVERY SINGLE DAY, YOU ACCUSE ME OF SOMETHING, WELL NOT ANYMORE!" She yells. Jack hears running, around the corner turns Jillian, and not far behind her, is her abusive boyfriend, Martin. Jillian stops dead when she sees Jack "Jack? what are you.." Her sentence is cut off by Martin, who pulls her hair. "LISTEN BITCH, DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO ME THAT WAY AGAIN! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!" Martin says, as he looks up and sees Jack. "Well well well, if it isn't the best friend." He says to Jack. Jack looks behind him, hoping to see someone else, and then turns his attention to Martin, who is holding the girl he loves by her hair. "Uh, me?" Jack questions. "Yeah you! Who else, retard?" Martin says. "Martin! Don't you dare go near him!" Jillian says. Martin slaps Jillian and throws her to the ground, he was tall, tan, blonde hair, and he was wearing jeans, and a sports t-shirt. He had a fit body, and a pretty boy face, everything a common girl would want in a man's looks. He turns his attention to Jack "Now it's your turn" he says, walking towards Jack. "No, um, hey, you better not hurt her again." Jack says, his voice shaking, he is shocked and angry at what he just saw, but can't seem to find the right words to scare off Martin. "Oh yeah? What are you gonna do? She'll never leave me, she will do as i say, for the rest of her life." Jack fills up with rage. "I said, YOU BETTER NOT HURT HER AGAIN!" Jack charges at Martin, filled with more rage than he's ever felt before, he clenches his fist, winds up as he's running, when suddenly....
BOOM.
Martin clocks Jack right in the eye, knocking him out almost instantly. "Pussy." Martin says as he walks away, the last thing Jack sees is the dark, blueish night sky...
Jack wakes up slowly, and he sees what he thinks is an angel above him. "Am I dead?" he says. "No, silly, you're fine!" Jillian says through tears. He opens his eyes wide, he sees Jillian staring back at him. She had long flowing black hair, black rimmed glasses, glimmering green eyes which looked more beautiful than a summer sunset, and skin the color of the clouds on a perfect weather kind of day. Her beauty was hard to explain without sounding completely corny, all he knew was that even with tears flowing from her eyes she was still the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. "Hi...Hi Jillian." He says, stuttering. "Hi Jack." She says, sniffling. She gives him a big hug. Jack hugs her back. "I am so sorry for how i acted last night, and i am even more sorry for Martin hitting you" Jillian says. "Oh uh..it's okay, it wasn't your fault, unless you hit me and i didn't know it. Where is Martin anyways?" he says. "Oh he's gone, we broke up, i couldn't let him treat my best friend that way, now could i?" Jillian says. Jack hears the words "best friend" and his heart sinks, he figures he has to say something now or else he will never be able to tell her how he feels. "Listen, Jillian, i don't want to be your best friend anymore..." he says, hesitating. "What? Why?" She says, sounding shocked and sad. "I never wanted to be your best friend, because from the moment i saw you, i knew you were something special, and after years of an amazing friendship, i realize now that i am in love with you, if that makes any sense at all." he says. "I...i don't..." Jillian tries to speak, but Jack interrupts, "Well it makes sense to me, goddammit. I mean, you have always been there for me, and every day when i wake up, i hope and pray and whatever else it is that we humans do when we want something badly, that you will call me, so i can hear your sweet voice, or that you will come visit, even for 5 minutes, so that i can smile all day. Every single day, i need to hear the voice of an angel, and i need to see the most beautiful thing on earth, or else, i feel as though there is no hope for the world, because whether you believe it or not, i feel as though you, Jillian, you make the world turn. At least, you make my world turn" Jillian looks wide eyed at Jack after his speech, she looks down, and begins to cry. "I'm...I'm sorry Jillian" Jack says. "I didn't mean to hurt you with that, i just..." Jillian interrupts Jack by kissing him, better than she's ever kissed anyone before. They kiss in the fluorescent moonlight, stars shining brighter than they've ever shined before, just for Jack and Jillian, until they stop, and Jack says one thing "Jillian...will you consider being my girlfriend?" Jillian smiles at Jack, and says "It's already been considered." Jack smiles, and they walk home together, holding hands, and holding hearts.
This is Jack. Jack is an average boy, 23 years old, he's slightly chubby, short brown hair, wears glasses, and isn't very appealing to women. He's pretty much the definition of the modern nerd. Jack likes Jillian. Jillian doesn't know. Jack and Jillian have been best friends for years, and Jack has watched her go from asshole boyfriend, to asshole boyfriend over and over again, starting in 9th grade, and continuing well into their 20's. You'd think, both Jack and Jillian being 23, that she would have grown out of the asshole boyfriend phase years ago, but she hasn't. This is a story about trying so hard but never reaching the goal, this is Jack's story.
Jack gets home from work late one night, he goes on his computer, hoping to talk to Jillian. "the Internet is so boring, nothing but shit I've seen too much, and people bitching about how much their life sucks" he mutters to himself. Jillian comes online, Jack gets excited and decides to instant message her.
Postbook Chat Transcript:
Jack: hey Jillian.
Jillian: JACK! oh my god! i am so glad you're on, i need to talk to you.
Jack: what's up?
Jillian: It's Martin...he's acting weird. He barely calls me, and yesterday we got in a huge fight.
Jack: oh my, what about?
Jillian: well, he doesn't want me talking to any other guys, which is why i haven't texted you very often lately, and he caught me talking to this guy i work with, he FLIPPED, started calling me names and everything. I didn't know what to do, i just cried my eyes out and apologized.
Jack: you know you shouldn't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, i was wondering why you haven't texted me at all, that's bullshit, why are you still with that jerk?
Jillian: Jack...i think I'm gonna go to sleep.
Jack: wait no, I'm sorry, i didn't meant to snap.
Jillian: goodnight.
Jack sighs heavily. "What the fuck." he mumbles as he continues to surf the web, eyes getting heavy. "I guess I'll just go to sleep" he says to himself. Jack lays down on his back, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the conversation he just had with Jillian.
Jack's thoughts: What do i do? I just want to help her. Yeah i know i like her more than a friend and wish i was her boyfriend, so what? Doesn't mean i can't look out for her well being, i mean that's what a good boyfriend should do, right? She knows I'm right, I've been telling her for years, that's why she always avoids confrontation about this now. Has to be it. You know what? Maybe she's just on her period. Stupid periods. I wonder what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow...
Jack drifts off into a deep sleep after about an hour of thinking.
Beep
Beep
Beep
Beep
"OH MY GOD!" Jack awakens, startled by his alarm clock. He looks around, dazed, sighs to himself "I hate mornings". He gets ready to go to work at the local video rental store down the street and wonders why it's even still open, the format is obsolete, and with the Internet at it's peak, nobody rents videos anymore, so the place is always dead. Even with those thoughts in mind, he gets on his bike to ride down town to work. The ride there is sort of somber, his iPod is dead to he has no music to listen to. Everything just seems really quiet and weird to him, trees seem taller than usual, the ground seems to be moving with him. Jack stops in front of the video store, he looks up at the sky, "Wow, the clouds seem very creative today" he says as he noticed the oddly shaped clouds and weird yellow sky. "Must be an early sunset (10:00 AM)" he says jokingly. The day seems to drag on forever, with once again, no customers, and the TV playing nothing but Dr. Phil all day. Jack hears the door open "Customers?" he says out loud. Turns out to be Jack's best friends, Mike and Warren. "Hey fucker!" Mike exclaims, "Any new rentals in?". "Oh come on, Mike, you know we never have anything new, haha, how's it going?" Jack says. "Oh, alright, i heard you were talking to Jillian last night and it didn't go well, what the hell, man?" Mike says. Jack, staring blankly at Mike, says "How could you possibly know that?" "Well, i just started dating her best friend, Courtney. She told us all about it. Apparently Martin wants to kill you now or some shit" Warren speaks up and says. "KILL ME?! BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! Goddamn." Jack yells. "Look we gotta go, but hey, hopefully he doesn't see you in here" says Mike. "Nobody comes in here, so no worries there." Jack says.
Jack opens the door to his work, finds himself overwhelmed with apathy. He locks up, 9:00 PM, closing time for the video store. He doesn't know how much longer he can take these work shifts. "They need to hire some new people" He says out loud. Suddenly Jack hears a commotion from around the corner, it sounds like a girl yelling. "I AM SO TIRED OF THIS!" Unknown Female exclaims. "EVERY SINGLE DAY, YOU ACCUSE ME OF SOMETHING, WELL NOT ANYMORE!" She yells. Jack hears running, around the corner turns Jillian, and not far behind her, is her abusive boyfriend, Martin. Jillian stops dead when she sees Jack "Jack? what are you.." Her sentence is cut off by Martin, who pulls her hair. "LISTEN BITCH, DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO ME THAT WAY AGAIN! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!" Martin says, as he looks up and sees Jack. "Well well well, if it isn't the best friend." He says to Jack. Jack looks behind him, hoping to see someone else, and then turns his attention to Martin, who is holding the girl he loves by her hair. "Uh, me?" Jack questions. "Yeah you! Who else, retard?" Martin says. "Martin! Don't you dare go near him!" Jillian says. Martin slaps Jillian and throws her to the ground, he was tall, tan, blonde hair, and he was wearing jeans, and a sports t-shirt. He had a fit body, and a pretty boy face, everything a common girl would want in a man's looks. He turns his attention to Jack "Now it's your turn" he says, walking towards Jack. "No, um, hey, you better not hurt her again." Jack says, his voice shaking, he is shocked and angry at what he just saw, but can't seem to find the right words to scare off Martin. "Oh yeah? What are you gonna do? She'll never leave me, she will do as i say, for the rest of her life." Jack fills up with rage. "I said, YOU BETTER NOT HURT HER AGAIN!" Jack charges at Martin, filled with more rage than he's ever felt before, he clenches his fist, winds up as he's running, when suddenly....
BOOM.
Martin clocks Jack right in the eye, knocking him out almost instantly. "Pussy." Martin says as he walks away, the last thing Jack sees is the dark, blueish night sky...
Jack wakes up slowly, and he sees what he thinks is an angel above him. "Am I dead?" he says. "No, silly, you're fine!" Jillian says through tears. He opens his eyes wide, he sees Jillian staring back at him. She had long flowing black hair, black rimmed glasses, glimmering green eyes which looked more beautiful than a summer sunset, and skin the color of the clouds on a perfect weather kind of day. Her beauty was hard to explain without sounding completely corny, all he knew was that even with tears flowing from her eyes she was still the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. "Hi...Hi Jillian." He says, stuttering. "Hi Jack." She says, sniffling. She gives him a big hug. Jack hugs her back. "I am so sorry for how i acted last night, and i am even more sorry for Martin hitting you" Jillian says. "Oh uh..it's okay, it wasn't your fault, unless you hit me and i didn't know it. Where is Martin anyways?" he says. "Oh he's gone, we broke up, i couldn't let him treat my best friend that way, now could i?" Jillian says. Jack hears the words "best friend" and his heart sinks, he figures he has to say something now or else he will never be able to tell her how he feels. "Listen, Jillian, i don't want to be your best friend anymore..." he says, hesitating. "What? Why?" She says, sounding shocked and sad. "I never wanted to be your best friend, because from the moment i saw you, i knew you were something special, and after years of an amazing friendship, i realize now that i am in love with you, if that makes any sense at all." he says. "I...i don't..." Jillian tries to speak, but Jack interrupts, "Well it makes sense to me, goddammit. I mean, you have always been there for me, and every day when i wake up, i hope and pray and whatever else it is that we humans do when we want something badly, that you will call me, so i can hear your sweet voice, or that you will come visit, even for 5 minutes, so that i can smile all day. Every single day, i need to hear the voice of an angel, and i need to see the most beautiful thing on earth, or else, i feel as though there is no hope for the world, because whether you believe it or not, i feel as though you, Jillian, you make the world turn. At least, you make my world turn" Jillian looks wide eyed at Jack after his speech, she looks down, and begins to cry. "I'm...I'm sorry Jillian" Jack says. "I didn't mean to hurt you with that, i just..." Jillian interrupts Jack by kissing him, better than she's ever kissed anyone before. They kiss in the fluorescent moonlight, stars shining brighter than they've ever shined before, just for Jack and Jillian, until they stop, and Jack says one thing "Jillian...will you consider being my girlfriend?" Jillian smiles at Jack, and says "It's already been considered." Jack smiles, and they walk home together, holding hands, and holding hearts.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Awwww, Here It Goes! (Again)
Evening (Morning?) blog reader(s)! Sure has been awhile since i wrote in this particular blog. I've been writing in another one called The Hate Blog which is a lot more fun than this one, go to www.thehateblog1.blogspot.com if you're interested.
I have come back here for one reason only, a reason that seems to be the only thing i use this for: i have a crush on someone. I wasn't sure if i was going to write this or not because i know in reality, nobody really gives a shit who I'm crushing on cause by now you should know that I'm just going to bitch about it and tell you that i know how it's going to end, which is true, that is what I'm going to do. So instead of annoying everyone with late night texts and such, i have decided to spill everything i am thinking about at the moment into this blog due to the fact that if i don't say anything, this will just get worse and worse. Now, i will not go into detail about the girl, because quite frankly, i really don't want her knowing i have a crush on her, shit will get weird, as it usually does. For once, the girl doesn't have a boyfriend, at least right now she doesn't. Which is good right? Well yeah, cause this means that if i were someone else, i would be going for it immediately cause there's no barriers, but nope, i am me, which means instead i will admire from afar, secretly, like i am in 4th grade. See, i know that i like someone when i try my hardest to sugar coat myself, metaphorically speaking. I have noticed that not only my looks, but my outgoing/sarcastic personality has pushed girls away. I am a talker, i have many opinions, and i love to share them. I tell bad jokes that i think are hilarious, and i go into great detail about things that the girl usually could care less about. Not to mention, my professional life is relying on a dream to make it in music cause that's the only thing i really have skills in. So, i am not the BEST sounding boyfriend ever. I end up trying hard not to say things that I'm thinking and i try to dilute myself the best way possible because i actually give a shit what she thinks about me, though that's a terrible idea cause when the real me comes out she just thinks I'm an asshole. Know what i mean? of course you don't. Dealing with crushes is not something i am very good at. I find myself wanting to talk to the girl all the time but i know i can't, cause that would be borderline stalkerish. I also find myself wanting to avoid her because i don't know what to say and i know that every moment talking to her is another moment i can make an ass out of myself, but i can't avoid her cause i want her to like me. Believe it or not, i have confidence, i really do, but when i like someone is when i start to feel not good enough and am able to point out my flaws really well. Not the best quality, right? Yeah i know, but what's a guy like me supposed to do? Especially when you've seen the type of guy she goes for, it's like, "wow, i can't compete with that, she'd never go for someone like me, someone larger and very outspoken, why should i even try?" Not trying is always my initial plan but then something makes me want to try, usually it's the signals i get from the girl, she seems as though she likes me so then i go for it, and then I'm shot down like a bird from that one Nintendo game where you'd shoot birds. Duck hunter was it? Maybe? i don't remember. My point is, it's hard to go for someone again after the last time you went for someone who was giving the "i like you" signals, you got shot down. Now I'm not saying she is giving me the i like you signals, I'm saying if she ever does. Blah, my thoughts are all tangled now. Let me simplify it: I like girl, not sure if girl likes me, will never know cause i won't try even though i want to. Me is stupid.
Alright, here's a message: i know i am pretty bad at hiding the fact that i like someone, so if the girl who i like has figured me out, please let me know you have figured me out instead of waiting for me to crack and tell you how i feel, and please let me know ahead of time if pursuing you is what i should do. That would make this so much easier if you could do that for me, okay? Thanks!
Stay True.
xLOSERx
I have come back here for one reason only, a reason that seems to be the only thing i use this for: i have a crush on someone. I wasn't sure if i was going to write this or not because i know in reality, nobody really gives a shit who I'm crushing on cause by now you should know that I'm just going to bitch about it and tell you that i know how it's going to end, which is true, that is what I'm going to do. So instead of annoying everyone with late night texts and such, i have decided to spill everything i am thinking about at the moment into this blog due to the fact that if i don't say anything, this will just get worse and worse. Now, i will not go into detail about the girl, because quite frankly, i really don't want her knowing i have a crush on her, shit will get weird, as it usually does. For once, the girl doesn't have a boyfriend, at least right now she doesn't. Which is good right? Well yeah, cause this means that if i were someone else, i would be going for it immediately cause there's no barriers, but nope, i am me, which means instead i will admire from afar, secretly, like i am in 4th grade. See, i know that i like someone when i try my hardest to sugar coat myself, metaphorically speaking. I have noticed that not only my looks, but my outgoing/sarcastic personality has pushed girls away. I am a talker, i have many opinions, and i love to share them. I tell bad jokes that i think are hilarious, and i go into great detail about things that the girl usually could care less about. Not to mention, my professional life is relying on a dream to make it in music cause that's the only thing i really have skills in. So, i am not the BEST sounding boyfriend ever. I end up trying hard not to say things that I'm thinking and i try to dilute myself the best way possible because i actually give a shit what she thinks about me, though that's a terrible idea cause when the real me comes out she just thinks I'm an asshole. Know what i mean? of course you don't. Dealing with crushes is not something i am very good at. I find myself wanting to talk to the girl all the time but i know i can't, cause that would be borderline stalkerish. I also find myself wanting to avoid her because i don't know what to say and i know that every moment talking to her is another moment i can make an ass out of myself, but i can't avoid her cause i want her to like me. Believe it or not, i have confidence, i really do, but when i like someone is when i start to feel not good enough and am able to point out my flaws really well. Not the best quality, right? Yeah i know, but what's a guy like me supposed to do? Especially when you've seen the type of guy she goes for, it's like, "wow, i can't compete with that, she'd never go for someone like me, someone larger and very outspoken, why should i even try?" Not trying is always my initial plan but then something makes me want to try, usually it's the signals i get from the girl, she seems as though she likes me so then i go for it, and then I'm shot down like a bird from that one Nintendo game where you'd shoot birds. Duck hunter was it? Maybe? i don't remember. My point is, it's hard to go for someone again after the last time you went for someone who was giving the "i like you" signals, you got shot down. Now I'm not saying she is giving me the i like you signals, I'm saying if she ever does. Blah, my thoughts are all tangled now. Let me simplify it: I like girl, not sure if girl likes me, will never know cause i won't try even though i want to. Me is stupid.
Alright, here's a message: i know i am pretty bad at hiding the fact that i like someone, so if the girl who i like has figured me out, please let me know you have figured me out instead of waiting for me to crack and tell you how i feel, and please let me know ahead of time if pursuing you is what i should do. That would make this so much easier if you could do that for me, okay? Thanks!
Stay True.
xLOSERx
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The End of The World.
There's been a lot of talk lately about the end of the world. With all those animals and shit dying, a theory is that the world is going to end soon, well, if that is the case, i don't really give a shit, even though i haven't accomplished anything worthwhile in my life just yet, i still just don't care if the world ends. Good riddance i say, the human race is a failed experiment anyways. If there is a god, he/she/it has failed in creating us, since we all suck majorly at being what we are: human. What DOES bother me though, is HOW the world might end. See, my biggest fears of dying are as follows: burning alive, suffocating, and drowning. So, if the world ends like we see in the movie 2012, i will have to die in one of my three greatest fears of dying. Hopefully the world ends by a nuclear explosion, and that I'm close enough to just vaporize without knowing what the fuck happened, that would be grand, but knowing my luck, I'll end up in a giant ocean struggling to breathe, and then get tossed out of it, into a pit of lava, but just enough to set me on fire so that a big piece of rock can slowly crush me as i burn alive. Yeah, i better think about buying that gun really soon, or at least be somewhere really high up that i can jump off. Basically I'll be killing myself, to save myself (HA).
Then again, we can all just hope the world DOESN'T end, but where's the fun in that?
Stay True.
xLOSERx
Then again, we can all just hope the world DOESN'T end, but where's the fun in that?
Stay True.
xLOSERx
Friday, January 14, 2011
...And All I Really Want Is To Hold You.
Remember a few months back, well, technically last year now, when i wrote a blog about a girl i REALLY liked? Yeah, neither do it, because i deleted it since then. I deleted it, because i started to have feelings for somebody else at the time, and then after she rejected me, i went back to feeling for that same girl i wrote the blog for again, and now, i don't feel for that girl from the blog anymore. I don't understand what my feelings are trying to do here, my friend Shane called me a "like whore" a couple weeks ago and stated "if you fucked all the girls you've liked in the past few months, you'd be a real whore", and he's totally right, i would be. I guess, it's not that i fall to fast, because "falling" for someone means that, well, you're "in love" right? These are simply just crushes on girls that i think i might have a chance with someday, and then having any sort of dreams i had about being with them get crushed like an empty soda can at the recycling plant. It's not that i don't think that the girls i like are special, they're always special, i always find something between us, a connection of sorts, that makes me feel that way, followed by hopes of changing their preception of men by being the best possible boyfriend they could want, which is then followed by doubt because of how i look, and then blind courage, telling myself that "fuck how i look, they're going to like me for me and it's going to be awesome" which then leads to the stupid move of telling them how i feel and blah blah blah you know the rest. Here i sit, single, alone, trying to tell myself everyday that "pft, i don't need a girl, i'll be just fine", which of course i only think about when i'm with my friends, who are, of course, more important than any relationship, and i would not trade them for one, it's just nice to come home and have someone to talk to who feels the same way that i do, or to have someone to laugh with and at the same time, hold them and feel so goddamn safe that you almost feel like you can survive a nuclear war. As much as i might tell myself that i don't need that, i do need that, hell, everyone needs that, without that, life is merely just not as livable as it should be, and you can hide behind tough guy facades all you want, but deep down, everyone needs to feel that kind of safety in their life. Much like the kind you felt as a child, when you thought there was a monster in your closet and went to go sleep in your parents room. See, friends are the foundation of any person, your friends are important, your friends are the ones who are there for you all the time while the girlfriend/boyfriend comes and goes. Friends are the ones you NEED to keep in your life, a significant other is not NEEDED unless they are the right person. DON'T EVER choose one over the other, find someone who you can keep it balanced with. My new state of mind is that i need to find someone who can get along with my friends, so there's no tension, and she'd be fine with me having fun with them. If you find a girl/boy like that, KEEP THEM, because in reality, your friends are your extended family, and you need them, but you also need somebody to love or feel love for, if love even exists, that is. If you don't have one, though, DON'T BE A BITCH ABOUT IT, that goes for men AND women, because while he/she is not there, your friends always will be.
Now, onto my initial point, continued from the beginning. I like too many people, never at the same time, but in the span of a short period of time, and the thing is, it's not that i lose feelings completely for the girls i like unless i've had enough time to get over them. Sometimes it's just that, well, there is something preventing us from dating (boyfriend, distance, shallowness on her part) and i simply, by chance, find someone else who makes me feel the same. Lately though, i've only had ONE girl on my mind, and i'm not going to go into detail about how i feel or all the mushy stuff right now, hell, i'm not even going to go as far as to say "she's the most perfect girl in the world for me, and i've never felt the same for anyone", because i say that way too damn much, yeah i'll admit it, it's a stupid thing to say for anyone in a relationship or ESPECIALLY with a crush because a crush is merely that: a crush. It is possible to feel something you have never felt with anyone, yes, but most of the time, it's the same. See, i will say this, while i have felt feelings LIKE this before, i can safely say that this is the first time in my life that i have felt comfortable liking someone, almost like i am SUPPOSED to like her. We have more in common than anyone i've ever liked, and she makes me feel so confident in myself that i almost feel like a different person when i'm talking to her, like i'm no longer a fat, ugly, slacker with no motivation. She makes me feel like i'm a good looking businessman with a lot of money and my life on the right track. If someone makes you feel like THAT, then i think it's a safe bet that you should be with them, i should be with her, i want to be with her, she accepts me for ME, and really that's all i want in a relationship, i want someone to like ME, not someone they think i should be, you know? Even though she doesn't like me back, she accepts me for who i am, and that's all that matters really. How do i know she doesn't like me back? Well she has a boyfriend, of course, ALWAYS a boyfriend. I don't care, maybe eventually i'll have a chance, but right now i'll just pretend these feelings don't exist and fill the void with unhealthy food, sexist jokes, laughter, and of course, music.
To Her: my feelings for you are simple, not complicated, which is new to me, i haven't once thought about having sex with you, kissing you, or anything physical other than holding you, because when you think about it, the best relationships are the ones where holding the person in your arms is the best possible way to spend a night with them, and that's all i really want, is to hold you.
Now, onto my initial point, continued from the beginning. I like too many people, never at the same time, but in the span of a short period of time, and the thing is, it's not that i lose feelings completely for the girls i like unless i've had enough time to get over them. Sometimes it's just that, well, there is something preventing us from dating (boyfriend, distance, shallowness on her part) and i simply, by chance, find someone else who makes me feel the same. Lately though, i've only had ONE girl on my mind, and i'm not going to go into detail about how i feel or all the mushy stuff right now, hell, i'm not even going to go as far as to say "she's the most perfect girl in the world for me, and i've never felt the same for anyone", because i say that way too damn much, yeah i'll admit it, it's a stupid thing to say for anyone in a relationship or ESPECIALLY with a crush because a crush is merely that: a crush. It is possible to feel something you have never felt with anyone, yes, but most of the time, it's the same. See, i will say this, while i have felt feelings LIKE this before, i can safely say that this is the first time in my life that i have felt comfortable liking someone, almost like i am SUPPOSED to like her. We have more in common than anyone i've ever liked, and she makes me feel so confident in myself that i almost feel like a different person when i'm talking to her, like i'm no longer a fat, ugly, slacker with no motivation. She makes me feel like i'm a good looking businessman with a lot of money and my life on the right track. If someone makes you feel like THAT, then i think it's a safe bet that you should be with them, i should be with her, i want to be with her, she accepts me for ME, and really that's all i want in a relationship, i want someone to like ME, not someone they think i should be, you know? Even though she doesn't like me back, she accepts me for who i am, and that's all that matters really. How do i know she doesn't like me back? Well she has a boyfriend, of course, ALWAYS a boyfriend. I don't care, maybe eventually i'll have a chance, but right now i'll just pretend these feelings don't exist and fill the void with unhealthy food, sexist jokes, laughter, and of course, music.
To Her: my feelings for you are simple, not complicated, which is new to me, i haven't once thought about having sex with you, kissing you, or anything physical other than holding you, because when you think about it, the best relationships are the ones where holding the person in your arms is the best possible way to spend a night with them, and that's all i really want, is to hold you.
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